The Mizell's

2011 - then and now

2012-01-01T21:20:00.002-06:00

2011 was another eventful year for our family.

Personally and professionally we had some highs and lows..

Of course one of the main things that sticks out to me is our struggle with infertility and the road that's led us down. We were fortunate enough to be able to do IVF, not once but twice. The process was a success but we lost two embryos each time. I can't put into words the anxiety, organization, stress, time, money, appointments, ultrasounds, shots, drugs, did I say money.. that goes into this process. We thought we were prepared but when it's all said and done you feel like you're road kill. In-Vitro is an amazing process when you think about it and it is successful for many people. We ended up having issues with some of the staff at the fertility clinic and ultimately had to chose not to go back. So the last few months of 2011 we, in regards to our infertility, went back to my regular OB, started taking Clomid, and enjoyed the holidays with family. It's hard when you know you have issues (in our case, I don't make many eggs) to sit back, relax, & just try month after month....... Clomid is an inexpensive drug that you can take by mouth every month, we figured it couldn't hurt.. One of the hardest things I've ever done and continue to do every month is wait to see if mother nature comes or I'm pregnant. Unless you've been there you do.not.understand. I can't explain the anxiety that comes with those ~~long~~ short two weeks. This is not a pity party or poor Sarah, this is real, my life. Thankfully I am not alone, Ben is by my side every step of the way. Along with Ben, I have both of our families & friends supporting and praying for us!!

Speaking of Ben, or should I say Ben, RN!!!! He finished nursing school the first few weeks of December and we couldn't be more excited!! I've spoken briefly about Ben and his professional goals.. I've always joked since we met that he should of gone to med school.. I would've never believed that he would seriously go into the medical field, and love it!! He received so many awards all the way through nursing school, he was that student that always did well on tests, teachers loved, always volunteered, never missed a day, studied 24/7, etc.. He was even highlighted for an article in the Baptist December paper!! It's no wonder he finished RN school on the honor roll which is a victory in itself!! He's worked in the ER for the past few years, first as an aide and currently as a LPN. He's worked with wonderful people and hopes to stay on and work PRN for them. Our ultimate goal is for him to go back to school in a few years (1 1/2 to be exact) but we'll take it one step at a time. With what he wants to do he needs critical care experience. As a new graduate it's not always easy to get hired on in the intensive care settings. Ben was blessed to get an interview and ultimately offered a job in the CVICU!! If you asked him his dream job before applying anywhere this is the place he said. He will start working in the next couple of weeks as a registered nurse.

Besides family vacations & work, IVF and school pretty much consumed our 2011. That is not a bad thing, we learned a lot about each other, ourselves, and what we're made of professionally and personally.

Crazy to think Ben and I are both registered nurses, have great jobs, families that love & support us, friends that stick by our side, even with our busy schedules, a dog that thinks she's human, nieces who think we're pretty special, and a God who loves us no matter what. When you think about it, what more could you ask for?!!

2012 - bring it on!!

Mizell Christmas

2011-12-29T19:30:00.001-06:00

This year it worked out best for every ones schedule to have Christmas with Ben's immediate family on Christmas Eve. I must say that it turned out to be a great afternoon and evening!!

I can't believe I didn't get a picture with Mary Ann in it.. here is her beautiful tree and mounds of presents she and Phil got for us all!!

Katherine found this ornament in Branson, Mary Ann & Phil were very proud of it!!

Rosie and I.. she just had surgery on her claws.. she was being extra clingy & sweet!!

Phil and his traditional Christmas sweater!!

You had to be there to really understand the above picture.. Ben told his mom he would like a sweater, like one you can pull over a long sleeved shirt. He even mentioned taking his sister along to help pick it out.. well Mary Ann did not take the advice and picked one out herself. She thought she had found the perfect sweater because it had a built in under shirt. Turns out.... it was a dickey!! I thought Ben was going to die, we all lost it at this point!!

I was thoroughly impressed with Kat & Trent's attire.. jealous may be a better word!!

Ben is making caramelized apples and I'm cooking peppered ham

We had another wonderful Christmas get together with family!!

Thank you again Phil, Mary Ann, Trent, & Katherine for all the great & "unique" gifts!!

Grant dirty santa!!!

2011-12-27T19:25:00.003-06:00

This year has flown by in more ways than one.. I can't believe Christmas has come and gone?! We are so blessed to be surrounded by families that love and spoil us like crazy!! The Saturday before Christmas we got together for our annual Grant Farm Dirty Santa, & boy was it dirty this year!! One of the main things I love about these family members is how real we all are, what you see is what you get!! Here are a few pictures from our day at the farm.. for the most part, what happens at ~~Vegas~~ the farm, stays at the farm!!

of course we had papaws burn barrel going strong, always a special place to gather around!!

mammaw is "babysitting" these dolphins.. only Mary Fae!!

Brynnie loves all animals, she has no fear.. and she probably should with the goats, Ethel likes to come at you with her horns

the girls came in to show off their stunt skills.. two of the neighbors were able to come over and spend the afternoon with us.. I hope we weren't too bad of an influence on them!!

another of BBB's favorites, the cows!!

mammaw likes to put old home videos on, it's always a hoot!!

Laci, Megan, & Aunt Connie (dads sister)

Connie got the girls Nerf guns which they loved, unfortunately it was she and Brad that got into a war!!

the Grants are known to be competitive so we always have to have ground rules from the start, this is Brad making sure we're all on the same page..

Adam ended up with these jewels, I'm pretty sure he ended the night with them too :)

Wes got to keep this hat as well, it did come with $20!!

we were thrilled Brad picked one of the presents we brought, a "Hillbilly Brief Case".. it didn't hurt that it had a $20 Home Depot gift card in the crotch :)

cousins Katie & Jace, love these two!!

the backside to part of Adams present!!

mammaw Grant proudly holding the frames Amber made of the girls foot prints, so special!!

We plot our dirty santa gifts year round, Connie already has hers purchased for next Christmas!! Each year it gets better (& dirtier) and better!! Not many people can say they look forward to going to their family get together but this is one group of people I can't get enough of!!

Next stop, Christmas Eve with the Mizells & Crows!!

may your days be merry and bright

2011-12-15T20:10:00.001-06:00

I love to decorate for Christmas, it's good for my heart I find!! I always start right after Halloween which drives Ben nuts :) He was embarrassed to put up our front door decor when all of our neighbors still had their pumpkins and mums out.. here is a small glimpse of my happy place!!

our beautiful tree that my sister so graciously decorates for us, I love it!!

she, my sister Amber is so creative!!

the mantle with our stockings.. me, Ben, & Weslee's - I wish you could see Weslee's up close, there's a diamond crown on the corner that's gorgeous!! We tell Avery (our dog) that the pink stocking is hers.. it might as well be, she's treated better than most humans!!

I couldn't get a great picture, but this is our entry way that my sister too decorated. It's beautiful in person!!

again, not a great picture but I love the simplicity of these trees with only lights on them.. these are in our entry way as well

the kitchen table..

front door, decorated by my sister

I got this wreath for a huge deal at an after Christmas sale, along with the red & green ribbon. I still love it!!

my sis & brother-in-law got us these gnomes a few years ago for Christmas, I keep them out year round!!

Christmas flag we have by the mail box

my new favorite Christmas picture that my mother-in-law, Mary Ann painted herself!! She made one for me, mom, Amber, & Hannah..

aren't they amazing???

my most special Christmas tree.. we call this, "Weslee's tree" she went to be with Jesus on October 24, 2009 so you can imagine how hard the holidays were for us, and still are unfortunately.. I decided I wanted to have a tree just for her and we've put it up every year since. there are some special ornaments on the tree, some from family & friends and a few things we got to bring home from the hospital.

bittersweet.

Mary Ann got us this hand painted ornament that matches her tree, it stands alone!! The ultrasound picture is my favorite we have, her perfectly formed long leg!!

Christmas is my all time favorite time of the year!! I love all the family get togethers, buying gifts, especially for my nieces, celebrating the true meaning CHRISTmas, decorating, time off, and this year Ben graduating from RN school!!

When people ask me how I'm doing I usually reply with, "I can't complain.. well I could but I wont" We've been through many trials over the past few years that I often question where it went wrong or could of done things differently?? I think I will have these questions forever.. while I could complain I chose not to. Ben and I truly have so much to be thankful for!! We are embarking on another Christmas with empty arms but we have a peace with it for the most part. Some days are better than others.. it's with friends, family, & our faith that gets us through each season.

Merry Christmas from our family to yours!!

CHRISTmas in Branson 2011

2011-12-11T15:35:00.001-06:00

I can't believe it's that time of year again, but it's my all time favorite!! I love the holidays and the memories we make with family and friends. One tradition we have with the Mizell family is to go to Branson every December. We stay at Branson Landing and only leave if we want to, it's great they've got restaurants, shops, lights, & much more!!

The beautiful tree in the lobby of the hotel, Hilton @ Branson Landing

there is a fire place right behind the Christmas tree, that's always my favorite spot!!

The first night we ate at OUTBACK, not the chain restaurant steakhouse but the original..

We were semi-celebrating Bens recent finish from school (another post) so he splurged on a few entree options!!

Trent & Katherine after braving the Tanger outlet mall on Saturday

a few of my favorite stores....

I had two caramel apples from this jewel

Dick's 5 & 10 (five & dime) a staple in Branson

Mary Ann & Phil on our way to dinner Saturday night. The nice thing about staying at the Branson Landing is most things you want or need are within walking distance!!

We always eat at White River Fish House on Saturday night, it's become a tradition

walking to dinner

relaxing before going to our table, there's a huge fire place we enjoy sitting in front of before being seated

awww

my love

Trent, Katherine, myself, Ben

Thank you Mary Ann and Phil for yet another wonderful Branson weekend get away!!

Happy Birthday Megan!!

2011-12-09T00:01:00.001-06:00

On December 7, my second niece Megan Lynn turned 5!! We had a celebration the Sunday before with a few of her friends and close family. Of all places Meg chose to have her party at a hunting store!!

Meg decked out in her camo, with a bow of course!!

They had a wall set up for the kids to shoot arrows, it was a big hit!!

a few people saw all the cars and thought the store was open so a sign had to be put up..

the awesome cake made my Hannah, she's so creative!!

some of the goods

Brynn is getting used to these parties!!

Wes and Hanny

papaw Bo, Laci, & Brad

Meg and her bow she got from her meemee Kathy & grand-dad Bruce

the birthday girl and her mom

Meg was pumped to get a strap for her (pink) gun, yes I said her gun!!

Meg and nonny

can you tell what the side of the present picture is?? If not, it's a cash register.. not just any one a real one!!

she was pumped about it too!!

Megan had a wonderful party and couldn't wait to hand her party favors out to her friends.

People say all the time, "yea she's a middle child, he's an only child, she must be the baby.." etc. People continue to tell me today I am the typical "middle child" Although I see what they're saying it does seem silly.. but if we keep with that theme Meg is definitely the middle child, she's actually her aunties mini me. Which makes Amber and Brad a tad bit nervous :) I figure I can just teach her what not to do.. Megan is one of the smartest, make up wearing, most kind, high heel loving, craziest, big hearted, question asking, hunting enthusiast, beautiful girl I know!!

Auntie, Uncle Benny, & Avery love you more than you'll ever know little bird, HAPPY BIRTHDAY

THANKSGIVING 2011

2011-12-05T22:09:00.001-06:00

I realize it's now December but I wanted to document these memories. Thanksgiving for us started off with a big country breakfast at the Grant farm. We started this tradition a few years ago and it's become one of my favorites!! It still seems surreal that papaw Grant is not here with us physically, every memory I have of the farm has him in it.. papaws burn barrel was going strong, bittersweet.

I did not get my camera out because I was too busy riding 4-wheelers, playing with the goats, riding Cowboy (the horse), chasing the girls, loving on all the animals, and eating!! I can't wait for Christmas at the farm, it's my all time favorite get together!!!!!

Thanksgiving night the Mizell's invited not only Ben and myself but my whole family to their dinner for the second year in a row. It's always a riot when our families get together, we love to eat, chat, and laugh!!

Mary Ann always decorates her dining room table so festive

additional dining table

Mary Ann, Robin, Grammy, Laci, Hannah, mom, & Am

Megan and Trent.. I'm sure they're looking at pictures of deer that he has killed. They share a love of hunting!!

Ben and his beautiful sister Katherine

of course the girls got prizes from Mary Ann & Phil

Brynnie & Auntie

Apparently Phil and I put a few too many marshmallows on the sweet potato casserole (notice the fire below) this was followed by the smoke alarms going off :)

some of the yummy (fat free of course) food

Hannah, crazy blue eyed Laci, & Amber

Brynn & Nonny

me on clean up duty which I thoroughly enjoy.. really I have a fascination with cleaning..

Thank you Phil, Mary Ann, & the whole Mizell family for inviting the Griswolds, I mean Grants to your Thanksgiving celebration!!

Ben and I have so much to be thankful for.. at the same time we have heavy hearts for the ones who are no longer with us. I try not to dwell on what or who's missing but cherish the ones we have and the memories we're making.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BBB!!

2011-11-26T22:07:00.001-06:00

On November 22, Brynn Bradley Bohannan turned 1!!! That night our immediate family got together at my mom & dads for a little celebration.

She wasn't sure what was going on but was smiling the whole time and loving all the attention, especially our party hats!!

Brynn and her nonny

her "cake" (cup cakes) made by Hannah, Wesley's girlfriend or our good friend ha however you want to look at it.. she did a fantastic job, we hated to eat it!!

Hannah also made two mini owl for Laci and Megan

Why are you all wearing hats, singing off key, & taking pictures non stop of me??!!

yumm, this girl has always loved icing.. just like her mom & nonny

she didn't leave much behind..

Amber & her three beautiful daughters!! Laci - 7 Megan - 4 Brynn - 1

Laci is all about making signs but I had to get a picture of the wreath my sis made for moms door, she's so creative.. her and Hanny have been making them for others!!

courtesy of Laci.. of course she put rules on there!!

the birthday girl!!

pre-game toddy!!

Brynn came into our family at a time when we needed her the most.. after some devastating losses for myself and our family she was a breath of fresh air. She, like Laci and Megan do something for my heart and soul that I can't put into words!!

Happy Birthday BBB, auntie and uncle Benny love you more than you'll ever know!!

celebrating

2011-11-06T20:24:00.002-06:00

Where has the time gone, tomorrow I will be 27!! When people ask me how old I am I automatically want to say 21, there is no significance with that year it's just what feels right?? Phil, Mary Ann, Katherine & Trent came to our hometown last week to take us out for my birthday dinner. They are always so generous and invited my fam to join in as well. They might of second guessed that when Brynn projectile vomited halfway through dinner :) I am so excited that one of my gifts was a camera, my last one bit the dust over a year ago.

The past few weeks we've celebrated a few other things.. My sis turned 29 again on October 23, we got together at my moms for some yummy fried food!! I will never be able to make up for my sisters real 30th birthday (in 2009) instead of celebrating like you should a big milestone like that, she was sitting in the hospital waiting for her first niece to be born; stillborn. She and my mom were literally around me 24/7 from the morning of October 23 to the afternoon of October 24 when she arrived. If this would of been an exciting time then I wouldn't feel near as bad but the circumstances surrounding those days are ones I never want to repeat. I know she would not of had it any other way and would repeat those days over and over again to be there for me. I could not bring myself to post on the actual day itself, October 24 that we met and said goodbye to our Weslee. I worked that day, my coworkers and boss didn't remember the significance of the day which I liked.. that way no one brought it up and I would not cry. I tend to internalize my emotions.. to my surprise a beautiful flower bouquet showed up with my name and the sweetest words I've ever read near the end of the day. Of course the girls in the office were freaking out and wanting to know the occasion. The flowers were from Ben, Weslee's dad and my best friend!!

October is now behind us and the holidays are fast approaching. This is my favorite time of year, college football, cool weather, holidays, family gatherings, chili, Christmas decorations, and shopping to name a few!!

Groundhog Day

2011-10-16T21:03:00.000-05:00

Do you ever feel like you're reliving the same day over and over and over again.. I find myself having many days like that lately. My posts are pretty predictable as to what I'll say or what we've been up to. Every time I think to blog I wonder what in the world to say?? I work, Ben works, he goes to school, I clean the house, we both take care of Avery, see family at night many nights, play with our nieces, go to church on Sunday.. Most people have night time activities, kids priorities, parties, go out on the town, etc.. I wouldn't trade my life or what it's become but I do have days when I need/want a change. Ben reminds me often that come December, when he graduates, we can really relax and enjoy life. I know this is true but when the one change comes in the shape of a child, or lack there of it's hard to be content. We've had a hiccup with our fertility clinic and will no longer be doing any treatments or seeing them. I do have a peace about not going back but it doesn't change the fact that our ultimate goal is to have a baby. Sundays at church I feel like every song is directed at me.. trust God, believe in Him, He is sovereign, many blessings, rain drops, faithful. I always feel refreshed and revived but come back home to the same reality. What do I do to pass the time or keep my head up.. pray, talk to God, talk to Ben, cry.. it's such a vulnerable place to be. I truly believe one day we will be blessed beyond our imagination. It's that one day phrase that gets me....

embryo status

2011-09-18T22:18:00.001-05:00

After reading over my last post I realized I didn't say what happened to the embryos we were hoping to freeze for future use. Unfortunately the embryos did not survive so if we do IVF again we'll have to start from scratch. There is so much that goes into IVF, I feel pretty educated on the matter but there are still some questions and concerns. If you or someone you know is going through or debating going through IVF I would love to talk to you or them.. I remember feeling so helpless when starting this journey, it's so foreign!! I would also love to hear any stories related to your journey with IVF and infertility. I hear from more people about how they had trouble getting pregnant, lost babies, had miscarriages, and now they're proud parents!! I do not like being labeled with "infertility issues" but I am not alone. Although I wouldn't wish this heartache on ANYONE it's refreshing to know we're not the only ones struggling.. So I encourage you if you are walking this dark path to please look for the light, it's there!! Some days it's hard to see but you have to have FAITH and believe in the One that's bigger, smarter, & greater than we could ever imagine!!

Flashback

2011-09-17T21:42:00.001-05:00

My last post was July 24, and it wasn't much of a post.. I said I would update you all on everything that has been going on with us. I had good intentions but life has been pretty crazy the past few months.

As far as every day life goes, Ben and I are both still working and loving what we do. I'm so grateful to have a job that I passionately love going to!! Ben continues to amaze me by going to school Tuesday - Friday, working a 12 hour shift Saturday & Sunday, with Monday being his only day off to study and sleep in. We both know this is a means to an end and it will pay off come December when he graduates!! He still gives 110% and is on the honor roll, I am so proud of him!!We did some fun things this summer while taking some time off from trying to get pregnant. We also celebrated some family members birthdays and special holidays together. Speaking of family, we are so fortunate to have such an amazing family (on both sides) that love and support us unconditionally!!

I've been asked by a couple different people why I haven't blogged, some family & some friends.. in all honesty, I've sat down, logged on, started to type then signed back off. When you don't have kids it's hard to find something to blog about every day. Right now Ben and I lead pretty predictable lives.. we usually see family at night, go eat with them, but mostly we come home, Ben studies, & I typically take a bath and get in bed. Crazy right??

I do know a lot of people keep up with our infertility journey on this blog which I've decided to continue. I've debated over the past few months if I should delete this or start back.. I've learned that most people care and want so badly for Ben and I to have children. I've received several notes in the mail from total strangers (some I know, some I don't) encouraging us, sending us prayers, & bible verses. That means more to me then any of you will ever know!! So here's a condensed version that will get you all up to date. After taking a few months off at the beginning of the summer, I started back on birth control the end of June. This would be the start to another IVF cycle. (IVF cycle #2 for us) Mid July I stopped that medicine and soon after started the beloved shots every night. Along with shots I took several other medicines every day. By the end of July I was finally ready for the retrieval of my eggs. I don't remember how specific I was with our last IVF cycle but I'll give you a few details here.. A "normal" woman should produce at least 20 eggs, that does not mean they will be good enough to use.. For whatever reason I do not produce many eggs, I am lucky to have 6. This particular cycle I believe they retrieved 9, which we were thrilled about. We did a day 5 transfer (options are day 3 or 5) because the embryos were growing and thriving, again we were elated. I should also mention with this cycle I was responding so much better to the drugs, my levels were much higher which was a huge praise!! We chose to put in two embryos the day of the transfer which was the first of August. The transfer went smooth as could be, and we had to wait a few days to see if the other three embryos survived. (In this case we would freeze those to use at a later date) At this point you have to wait two weeks from the day of the retrieval for blood work to see if you were successful. This put us doing blood work the second week of August, which was positive!! Praise the lord, the number was also much higher this time then last. You always go back two days later to make sure the number is rising and we were elated to learn it had more than doubled. I ended up doing lab the following week for some reason or another and it was much higher than the doctor anticipated!! That put our minds at ease more than we can say.. the anxiety that comes with trying to get pregnant is intense but when you've been through what we've been through and add IVF that same anxiety intensifies by 100,000!! Besides the emotional aspect, we also have a lot of money put into this venture. The following week I had some discharge that was less than calming. They got me in that day for an ultrasound, which was four days earlier than our original U/S was scheduled for. We learned on this day that one embryo had implanted and there was a heartbeat, a very slow heartbeat but it was there. We were only 5 1/2 weeks at this point so the heartbeat wasn't a worry to the doctor, we were just so blessed there was one there!! We kept our appointment four days later and learned the HR had jumped to 99 which is right where it should be at six weeks!! The following week I went in on Monday & Thursday, both days the heartbeat was around 100 which all involved were a little hesitant about.. at this point they would of liked it to be in the 120's.. The following Monday, Labor Day we had another ultrasound and learned that our embryo did not have a heartbeat. Two days later, one last ultrasound to verify there was no heartbeat and later that morning I had yet another D & C. So, yes we did IVF again, yes we were successful, but we did lose the embryo and I am now recovering from another surgery. Like last D & C I've had some complications.. talk about kicking you when you're down. Through it all Ben and I have held our heads high and leaned on each other for support. We're VERY open and honest and communicate our feelings throughout the whole process, it's all you can do to stay sane. We kept this IVF cycle more hush hush this time around so please don't be upset if you didn't know.. Of course it did leak out to a few people and immediate family & friends did know. Everyone has been more than supportive and loved on us. How did I handle this loss?? To be honest, I'm numb.. I have not cried since finding out there was no heartbeat. I asked Ben if there was something wrong with me.. I do get an occasion knot in my throat but it's usually because I hear something else sad. With me random things set me off, usually it's a song or something someone says. We are not discouraged and plan to try again.. We do not have a plan at this point, we're letting my body heal once again. That's where we're at in our journey with infertility. Please pray for patience, answers, and for open minds and hearts as to what our next step should and will be...

This is my favorite time of year, other than Christmas itself!! I love the cool weather, football on Saturdays, getting dark earlier, decorating the house, fall scented candles, getting together with family, grilling out, taking walks, & a lot of fun holidays!!I love my life - husband, family, friends, & dog.. I am one fortunate woman!! Although the past couple of years have been trying, we've learned something through each loss & our story is being written.. we look forward to each chapter and seeing what God has planned!!

Every day's a good day, some days are just better than others!!

yikes!!

2011-07-24T21:45:00.005-05:00

I've had good intentions of blogging for weeks now... unfortunately this post will be filled with no substance. I have to catch up on our beach vacation, 4th of July, Mary Ann's birthday, infertility updates, my 4 year wedding anniversary, and I'm sure I'm missing out more.. I just wanted to say I'm still here and have good intentions of playing catch up, soon!!

Happy Father's Day!!

2011-06-21T22:06:00.007-05:00

****I just found this post in my edited section.. I always wondered why it didn't show up

I am two days late on this post but I did want to acknowledge the holiday. On mother's day I did a post about my mom & MIL. So tonight I'm going to say thank you to my dad and FIL for being such wonderful fathers!!

My dad is a true man of God. Easy for me to say that because he's a preacher right?? I can honestly say he walks the walk and talks the talk. I am so proud of my dad, poppy for all that he's been through throughout his time in the ministry. We laugh at the people that say things like, "you only work on Sundays, how bad could it be" etc. All I can say to that is YOU.HAVE.NO.IDEA. My dad has always put my mom and us kids #1!! I remember him getting us up and ready for school while my mom went through nursing school. He drove to Arkadelphia every week for classes.. he continued through school until he received his doctorate!! He started at FBC as a youth minister 26 years ago, he is now the senior pastor. I have never been one to enjoy "big church." I always found a reason to dislike something the preacher did. I know it's my dad and I'm partial but I love to hear him preach. He's so down to earth and relates to each person in the room. What you see is what you get.. I am a lot like my dad which I think is a great thing!! I LOVE the way he adores my mom. He NEVER let us disrespect her, especially my brother. I remember Wes being pinned to the ground many times & dad saying you don't talk to your mother that way :) I have been through a lot throughout the years with family & friends being taken away from us too soon. He has been by my side during each tragedy. The one time he was not able to be by my side was when Weslee came into this world. Unfortunately and sadly, he had to be away to do a funeral for a family that had to bury their own daughter much too soon. We never talked about him not being there, he was where he needed to be. He has a way with words and speaks beautifully at funerals. Honestly, it was probably a blessing he and my brother were not able to be there. It was a tough, tough ordeal!! My first question to my mom after I delivered her was have you called dad to let him know I'm okay and Weslee is in Heaven. I mentioned a few posts ago that I had to be hospitalized after my last D & C. I didn't blog about it at the time because I had enough "poor Sarah" at that time. One week after the surgery I was still actively bleeding.. not enough to worry (Ben was worried but I wasn't worried) It wasn't until one night when I woke up in extreme pain.. we did everything we could to get me comfortable until the morning because I did not want to go to the ER. I went to the doctor first thing and he immediately admitted me to the hospital. He thought I had some type of infection. Apparently every one thought I would end up needing a hysterectomy, WHAT?? I guess that would be my luck.. (twisted humor) Turned out all my labs were normal, thankfully.. I just had an old hematoma that was ridding itself. I was put on strong IV antibiotics, had many scans, & sent home the next day. I mention that story now because every one was working when I got the news so my dad met me at my house and took me to the hospital. I kept telling him he could go.. of course he wasn't going anywhere until I was settled. He had no idea what he was in for (neither did I) Needles do not bother me.. I know I have terrible veins and tell the nurses ahead of time. I also say, don't worry if you miss, I wont complain. (can't stand people who threaten the nurse before she sticks you) This particular nurse proceeded to dig the needle in the same vein three times!!! I kept telling her they were very superficial, she finally listened. That fun situation was followed by Dr. B calling letting me know I had to get a catheter for a CT scan. A CATHETER??? My first question of course was were you going to knock me out??? (answer was no by the way) Remember, my dads the only one with me.. he was sweet (& smart) to turn his head but I sweetly & politely asked him to back up and hold my hand. He's probably not thought about it again but him being there and literally holding my hand during that procedure put me at ease. (For those of you who ever have to get a catheter while wide away & on no meds, it's honestly not bad!!)
I could go on and on about what my dad means to me & our family!!

Dr. Phil, my FIL is also a selfless man who loves me like his own daughter. He is always willing to give advice and listens to me. He has walked with Ben and I through each step of our losses. He always has the right words to say and such sound words of wisdom!! He is so level headed and passed on some wonderful character traits to Ben. I am forever grateful this man is a part of my life!!

Ben and I are SO fortunate to have parents that love and support us!! It's with faith, family & friends that keep us going every day!!

MIA

2011-05-22T20:05:00.004-05:00

I haven't blogged much since my big post about our journey with IVF and mother's day.. to be honest I've been having super high and low days. After finding out we lost both embryo's, having surgery, being hospitalized (another post in itself) bed rest, and my every day priorities I found it hard to function with the world. The past two Sunday's I've gotten up with all intentions of going to church but I would spend the majority of the morning with a lump in my throat. I couldn't stand the thought of facing the ones (many) that knew about our journey... when your dad is the pastor of a large church & you live in a small town people tend to "hear" things. In their defense the majority of these people love and care for Ben and I. I truly believe they have our best interest at heart.. I'm not a touchy/feeling person so the thought of all those hugs were more than I could handle. Geez, how selfish do I sound?? It's not just that.. any time people bring it up my eyes immediately start watering!! I know they care but you can only hear, "it'll happen one day.. you'll be a great mother.. keep your head up.. etc" so many times!! So what are people supposed to say?? Great question, all I can think of is a smile and an I'm sorry. Again, I sound so selfish!!! Please don't think differently of me, until you've been there you never know how you'll act or feel?! Some days, most days I'm so positive, even encouraging but there are the random melt downs!!

I did want to share some news we received last week.. my fertility doctor personally called me, which I thought was special!! When I had my D & C they sent the "specimen" off for testing. He's trying to figure out why I keep miscarrying.. can they find a root cause?? We've had blood work done extensively and it has all been negative. We were a little apprehensive about what these results were going to read.. of course the worst scenario went through our heads.. what if we're carriers of some gene?? What if they tell us we should never get pregnant again?? My doctor is very to the point, which I love!! He started quoting numbers, which I should know being a nurse.. but I graduated nursing school in 2006 and have been in plastic surgery every since. Needless to say I am a little rusty on my numbers and terminology. One thing I did recognize was when he said there were 46 (chromosomes).. I remembered that the male has 23 and the female has 23 = 46!! That in itself was a positive note.. he followed the number 46 by saying "xy"... which I couldn't remember. He followed that by saying, "it would have been a boy." I was not ready for that news, I actually had him repeat himself. I was elated, I mean on cloud 9, with a lump in my throat might I add!!!! I lost the first embryo through bleeding around week 5, @ 6 weeks is when we discovered the other's heart stopped beating. (the reason they only tested one) To some I realize this may sound or be morbid but to us it's a huge triumph!!

The short term plan is to go back and have more blood work done in the next few weeks.. they did find one abnormality with me but it can be corrected with medication!!

The long term plan is still to wait a few months before "trying" again, if not longer to let my body rest.. not to mention get a litte peace of mind!! At first it sounded so good, take a few months off, relax, go on vacation, enjoy summer... but the time sure does creep when you're so ready..

I continue to pray for peace, patience, guideance, and answers!!

GOD IS IN CONTROL, we are not!!! I have to remind myself of this daily....

Happy Mother's Day

2011-05-08T11:29:00.005-05:00

Although I am not able to celebrate this day with my own child/ren, I am so fortunate to have a mother & MIL who love me unconditionally!!

Words can't describe the relationship my mom and I have.. when I say she's my best friend, I truly mean it!! I talk to her at least twice a day, sometimes more.. She has always been my biggest fan and #1 supporter with everything I've ever done in life. I know I've aged her with some of my decisions I made along the way.. When I think back to some of the scenarios I put her in, I cringe!! She never once gave up on me, whether it was friends, boyfriends, school, etc.. Over the past three years we've been through more personally & financially than we ever imagined!! She gave up her time to be with me, hold my hand, look at things she hasn't seen since I was a baby, help take care of Avery, pay for meals, send encouraging cards, take time off work, you name it, she's done it!! I don't always open up and talk about my feelings, I get that from my dad.. it drives my mom nuts, I know she worries about me!! That's what moms do right??

My MIL is always one phone call away, whether it's to talk, be at the hospital, or just catch up.. We don't get to see her near enough with Ben and her both being in school.. but when we do it's like no time has lapsed at all!! Thank you Mary Ann for loving me like your own and treating me like a daughter!!

Happy Mother's Day!!

Dixie Darlins

2011-04-21T19:26:00.005-05:00

It's that time of year again, Laci is playing softball!! It's amazing watching the difference a year makes and how much the girls actually pick up the game.. Laci is playing first base and catching and making a lot of outs!! She's also slugging the ball like crazy!! They play a few games a week and I look forward every time to watching her!! Megan is in a stage where she has to be in the mood to get her picture taken and on this day she wasn't having it!! So here are a couple of Laci and Brynn!!!

boooooooorrrrrrrrriiiinggggggg!!

2011-04-09T21:39:00.004-05:00

When my brother Wesley would be bored growing up he would yell at the top of his lungs "BOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIINNNNGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!" It's something we all do occasionally to make us laugh!! Of course this long word was followed by my mom threatening to put a broom in his hand!! I haven't blogged anything with substance in quite some time.. truth is, not much has gone on to blog about?!! I have been working longer hours than ever, which is good for business!! Ben is neck high with school, studying, and working when he can. All of those things mixed with fertility treatments = one boring/tired couple!! I hope one day soon to be able to write a happily ever after post but for now this is our reality. I wouldn't trade it for anything!! Of course if I could snap my fingers and be pregnant with a healthy baby I would, let's be honest. But for whatever reason that's not where we're at right now. Since it's just Ben and I (plus Avery who is so laid back it's like she's not here) we have extra time to love on our nieces!! If you've read my blog at all you know how special they are to us. Amber told me a few weeks ago that when the big girls pray at night they pray for auntie to have a baby. Megan prayed a specific prayer not long ago that went something like this... "I pray for auntie to have a baby and for it not to go to Heaven." How pure, sweet, & innocent!!! Of course I got a knot in my throat when Amber told me this for many reasons.. then it hit me that at 4 years old we're able to teach Megan (& Laci at 6) about Jesus and Heaven. I can't find many positives about losing a baby/child/loved one but if our story can change a life, or bring someone to know Jesus than it's worth it. That's a tough pill to swallow but we believe it wholeheartedly!!
Some close friends and family know the details of what we're going through with our infertility journey, others just know we're struggling. I promise one day to pour my heart out with this journey!! For now I ask that you pray.. pray for patience, courage, strength, FAITH, and for Gods will to be done in our lives.

Happy (belated) Birthday Ben!!

2011-03-26T21:05:00.004-05:00

Monday, March 21 Ben turned 31!! Sadly he's so busy with school and I'm working long hours that we didn't do much to celebrate. Monday when I finally got home my parents grilled out for us. Wednesday night we met his parents, sister & brother-in-law at the Country Club for pasta night, yumm!! It seems the older you get the less you want to celebrate :) Instead of asking for specific presents you ask for money.. (to put towards bill in our case)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Benny, Avery and I love you so much and we hope you know how much you mean to us!!

Infertility

2011-03-20T20:20:00.005-05:00

I was looking back through some of my posts and realized I haven't updated on our baby making status, or lack there of... Ben and I continue to struggle with infertility. We knew before getting pregnant with Weslee something wasn't quite right. It took six months with her and the second go around we got pregnant right after a surgery when my "pipes" were clean. Since my miscarriage this past November we've continued to try... fast forward to today & we're still trying!! Infertility is something I can't describe in words. Unless you've been there you can't truly understand the darkness that comes with it. We have so many people that pray for us on a daily basis and let us know they're thinking of us. I can't say enough how much this means to me, I will get random texts or e-mails from people saying they prayed for me that day. It's amazing how they always come just when I need them!! I have been very open with our journey since getting pregnant with Weslee. We're not at a place where we want to talk about what we're facing now. I will be very open with our journey once we get to where we're trying to go. For now, please pray that we make the right decisions, for the doctors guidance, our peace of mind, and for Gods will to be done in our lives.

Mississippi weekend!!

2011-03-12T21:13:00.006-06:00

Last weekend my mom, dad, Hannah (Wesley's girlfriend) and myself got to take a road trip to Starkville, Mississippi to watch Wes and his team play!! It was a tournament with Iowa and Mississippi State. They were calling for rain all weekend so we packed sweat shirts and jeans.. what we weren't prepared for was how could it was!! Friday was just windy but Saturday it was rainy, windy, & cold!! We definitely didn't' have enough clothes.. Sunday before the games we ran around town (which is very small) to look for any type of warm clothing. We found scarves and gloves on a sale rack at a Dollar General. We stayed in the same hotel as the team so we were able to spend a lot of time with Wes before and after the games!! It was such a wonderful weekend even though the weather was crazy!!

Mississippi State has a unique field and it was neat to play there!!

Wes and Hanny

Hanny and I

mom dad & myself trying to stay dry & warm

The 3 of us one night eating out

This would be from Sunday's double header games, possibly the coldest of the games!!

FREEZING!!! Yes, I had on a rain jacket with ear warmers on.. it was so windy I did whatever I could to stay warm!!

brrrr

the field

Wes doing what he does, pitching!!

It was a great weekend, it's always so refreshing to see Wes!! He's had a long journey and we're so proud of what all he's overcome!! Their official season began last night and they won, they also won today so they're starting out on a great start!! I look forward to many more road trips and cheering for the Georgia State Panthers and #34!!

Love you uncle Wes, we're so proud of you!!

Valentine's Day 2011

2011-02-26T13:25:00.005-06:00

Ben and I have never been huge fans of Valentine's Day.. to both of us it's just another day but one you're supposed to do something nice for your significant other. We both believe every day should be special.. giving me something on the one day you're supposed to doesn't seem special.. With all of that said I came home on Valentine's Day from working a long day to have dinner cooked and ready when I walked in!! This isn't unlike Ben but it was a surprise and I was very grateful!!

Also, a few days ago I came home from yet another long day of dealing with patients to find that Ben dusted and vacuumed!!!! He is always willing to help when I'm cleaning but I'm so OCD I'd rather do it myself.. He doesn't complain :) so anytime I come home to find something done without me asking is so refreshing!!

I love my husband and all he does for our family!!

more medicine = more money!!

2011-02-20T22:54:00.007-06:00

I am happy to announce that my husband and I are both on the down hill slide.. his antibiotic plus OTC medicines seem to be working!! I am now on a stronger antibiotic myself and feeling 10X better!! When it rains it pours I swear.. first Avery gets a bladder infection, I have to go to the doctor (which never happens) get a chest x-ray, & Ben gets strep throat!! (have I mentioned that each of the above costs money)

When Ben and I bought our house I was working where I am now and he had a good business/marketing job. We both had nice vehicles we were proud to drive and lived well. That comfort of living changed when Ben lost his job a few years ago.. not only did he lose his job but we had to make some major life decisions about our future. Ben was never truly happy in any of his business/marketing type jobs. His major going into the U of A @ Fayetteville was pre-med.. he said once he got his syllabus, at age 18 he quickly changed that major!! Looking back he's kicking himself for not sticking with it because he would of excelled!! After much soul searching and talk with family he decided to take a job at the ER as a tech.. Nursing school was an option on the table for him.. We figured being a tech would be a great indicator if it was for him or not.. He absolutely LOVED it; poop, throw up, mean doctors/nurses, wonderful doctors/nurses, crazy patients, etc!! So he signed up and started nursing school.. Since he didn't have many pre requisites required for RN school it made more sense for him to go through LPN school then fast track for a year to get his RN. Since his ACT was more than 10 years old he had to retake that.. he was surprised to make higher at age 30 than he did right out of high school. Since he did do so well he was able to take pre-req's along with LPN school. He graduated last June and has worked in the ER as a LPN since.. He started RN school in January and just finished the first go around with a 92%!! He will graduate in December and continue working in the ER or possibly the ICU.. He amazes me with every test or paperwork that has to be done for school. He takes great pride in his work and wants to do his best!! All that to say that since he's been in school our comfortable way of living took a hit.. We found out we were pregnant with Weslee during this transition as well. We both sold our cars and downsized to something that made more sense for our new financial situation. Ben goes to school Tuesday-Friday and works 12 hours shifts on Saturday and Sunday. Monday being his only day to sleep in and relax.. which he ends up using to study extra!! We are so proud of our house and it's a great home to start a family in. We decided we wanted to live scarcely to be able to keep our home. Our church is doing Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University, which is a great guide. Unfortunately with Ben's school/work schedule we were not able to commit to a class. I do have the Cd's and I am looking forward to listening and learning how to be good stewards of our money. We are on a good routine of knowing when to expect our bills and how much they will be, groceries, etc... it's when someone gets sick, needs medicine, car breaks down, trying to have a baby, vet bills, etc. that it stings. So like I said above, when it rains it pours!! I tell any one who asks, it's a means to an end!! There is light at the end of the tunnel and the hard work both Ben and I put in will pay off!!
You may be thinking, if you're living so tightly why in the world would you want to bring a baby into this world?? GREAT QUESTION.. We know that we can and will make it work.. We know God will see us through whatever trials we may face - good or bad!!

I know it could be so much worse.. we've been at much lower points in our lives but through it all we've come out stronger on the other side!! We're enjoying this time in our lives with each other and new beginnings, whatever those may be....

sick of being sick

2011-02-18T12:19:00.005-06:00

I haven't blogged in some time.. I wish I had a good excuse but I don't. We've endured some major snow here in central Arkansas over the past few weeks which was a change. Now, one week later it's in the upper 60's.. only in Arkansas!!

I have been under the weather the past week or so... I NEVER get sick. Typically I get a bad cold once a year that requires a shot in the rear and antibiotics along with some type of bronchitis. It never requires me to miss work or stop functioning I just feel blah.. Typically this always hits me in the fall, right before Christmas.. this one decided to wait until now and I'm on day 7 of antibiotics + a steroid shot and I'm still congested and hacking!! To top it off Ben's throat started hurting a few days ago which led to him feeling terrible!! They've seen a lot of strep in the ER so I self diagnosed him and put him on an antibiotic.. (who has time to go to the doctor??) he's slowly starting to feel better.. tough part is, he's in nursing school and cannot miss!! He had his last test today before they have their spring break next week so the timing worked out..

Speaking of nursing school, he's excelling like he always does!! Can't believe he'll be done in December.. it can't get here fast enough!!!

I'm waiting on a return call from the doctor to see what else we can do to get my illness under control.. we've got a lot coming in the next few weeks and I need to be healthy!!!!

My mom, Hannah (Wes's girlfriend), and Mrs. Jodi are in Atlanta visiting Wes this weekend. When they get back I'll steal some of Hanny's pictures to put up!!

n.b.d.p.s.

2011-02-05T12:37:00.004-06:00

Confused as to the title of this post??

That's how I felt when Ben handed me the mail earlier this week and there was a packet addressed to me with those letters on the front. As I opened the packet I soon realized what those letters stood for: National Birth Defects Prevention Study. WHAT?? After much thought and letting the packet sit on the coffee table I've come to realize that it's not a bad thing. I must admit, I was immediately offended when I realized what the packet was about. How could someone send this to me knowing what we went through. The last thing I want to do is think back on our experience and use the words "birth defect." When we think of Weslee we think of our daughter who was perfect in so many ways!! I've picked the packet up here and there reading little bits at a time.. It really is a good thing they're trying to do. They do not know what causes so many birth defects and anencephaly is one of those. I don't know if having an answer to why this happens would of helped or not but if they can figure out how to prevent it I'm all for it!!

There's still not a day that I don't think about our daughter and the "what ifs".. Ben and I would give anything to have our daughter here with us!! In that same breath though we know she is in Heaven surrounded by perfection!!

We will forever have reminders of our Weslee and the short time we had with her!!

Go Wes!!

2011-02-02T17:31:00.003-06:00

I don't mention my brother much on the blog.. not because I don't love him but because he's 9 hours away in Atlanta and we don't get to see him near enough!! He's on a baseball scholarship for the D1 Georgia State Panthers!! When spring finally rolls around we make frequent trips to see him and I'll have plenty of information/pictures then!! We have such a competitive family and are all around pretty athletic. We are so proud of Wes and how much effort he puts towards his pitching!! He is a left handed pitcher which are hard to come by.. but he had a rough ending this last year.. the following is the school baseball website which featured a story on Wesley...

http://www.georgiastatesports.com/SportSelect.dbml?DB_OEM_ID=12700&SPID=5651&SPSID=53506

We love you uncle Wes and couldn't be more proud of you!! We're already making plans for weekend trips and can't wait to see you back in action!!

(We think Wesley is pretty special... we did after all name our first born after him - Weslee)

not alone - thank you

2011-01-30T22:55:00.005-06:00

Thank you all for your comments on my last post, it feels so good to know that I'm not alone!! In so many ways I feel so "not normal".. what is normal anyways??? My husband and I have been put in circumstances that have been anything but normal the past few years. I go to bed so many nights with such a heavy heart, I wake up thinking.. this isn't my life!! Then I find myself feeling guilty.. why am I so heavy hearted?? I have a life and family that most long for!! I hope I never bring anyone down with my thoughts.. I know it could be so much worse, I am thankful for what we've achieved and what we have!!

Please continue to pray for Ben and I as we strive to find the answers we're looking for and live out Gods will for our lives.

(Some of you have asked and right now I am reading "Prayer - Does It Make Any Difference" by Philip Yancey. It's an easy read and I'm gaining some great insight)

random tears

2011-01-23T19:31:00.007-06:00

Have you ever had one of those days where everything makes you cry?? I'm actually on day two of this and have no root cause.. I had lunch with my mom today, like I do most Sundays and we were talking about something and I randomly lost it.. She of course, tried to comfort me and told me I have many reasons to feel this way. It's odd though, I'm not sad about any one specific thing.. not thinking of Weslee or this last baby we lost, friends with hardships, work, trying to get pregnant, ect.. I'm blaming it on hormones, I swear they haven't been right since I had surgery in November. I've also had a nagging headache (which I never get) the last two days.. again, I'm blaming hormones. I honestly don't have much stress in my life. I have a husband who goes to school full time, works on his days off, and loves me unconditionally!! My family is always a phone call away, I talk to them each at least once a day!! Friends who are willing to listen to me 24/7!! A job I honestly enjoy going to each day!! So what's my problem???? I am on new medicine since this last surgery but last month it gave me no problems?? I feel as though I'm trying to talk out my emotions, get to the root of the issue(s)?? I've mentioned before that I do a lot of reading, especially when I don't understand something.. here are some of my favorite passages from a couple of the books:

"A weathered old man once described to me his understanding of surrender. He said that he had a mean, grisly cat that wasn't afraid to use his claws and teeth. Every once in a while, the cat would get into some mischief outdoors and need a good bath. My friend would fill up the kitchen sink with warm, sudsy water, grab the cat, and dunk him in. The cat would hiss and claw and refuse to surrender to the bath. But the cat's reaction really didn't matter, because it would get a bath either way. I am inclined to believe that we are in a similar situation as we wait for a child: we can either hiss or claw or surrender, but the outcome will remain the same regardless."

"We can't understand why God would refuse to give us a child right away if He has a plan to make us parents. Perhaps the greatest challenge to our faith is accepting the mystery of God's ways and His timing. We know that He is able - praise the Lord! But while it's easy to celebrate His power, it can be hard to celebrate His timing. And yet His timing remains as critical to His plan as His power. We have to accept them both as evidence of His love for us."

"God works unexpected miracles in unanticipated ways. He assures you of a happy ending, of overflowing joy in your life no matter how He chooses to answer your requests."

"Most of my struggles in the Christian life circle around the same two themes: why God doesn't act the way we want God to, and why I don't act the way God wants me to. Prayer is the precise point where those themes converge."

As you can probably gather the two things I've been researching lately are prayer and longing to have children. In our situation I can see where your first thought would be, sure she's sad, she wants children, has lost two and is having trouble conceiving.. Although that is true I have a peace and patience about our future. I guess I've learned that over the past two years. In the past I would get so discouraged every time that test said negative. I don't find that to be the issue this time around.. Praise God and I hope this peace continues throughout our journey. Prayer is one of those things you're taught to do from a young age.. I've prayed my whole life and never questioned why we do it. It took me 26 years to finally break down and ask, why do we pray?? If God has a perfect plan for each of our lives then why do we pray, how do we know if our prayers changed the situation or if that's what God has planned the whole time?? I don't think I would of ever questioned this if we hadn't' been through the trials we have... When life is going well, things are smooth in your life, you tend to pray and praise God more often. I have had a lot of guilt over feeling this way or even questioning the power of prayer. I've talked with my dad about this and he's given me great literature to read.. I was hoping he would have a simple answer for me, like _______ is the reason you pray. It's not that simple though.. I'm reading and trying to learn all I can on this issue. Please don't think I don't believe in prayer because I do and I do it often!! I just feel there's more to it and I am searching for answers to make me that much closer to God!! I don't want to ever question His timing or His ways, I want to believe whole heartily!! I've not told many people about my questions related to prayer because I feel guilty for even questioning it.. Then I thought, what if others have these questions, I can't be alone!! I hope you don't judge me for my honesty, but pray that I will get the answers I'm searching for.
I used to pray for children, then I'd pray for one healthy child, now I pray for Gods will to be done in my life.
Obviously, I'm all over the place tonight with my thoughts.. welcome to my world!! If the devil doesn't make you bad, he'll make you busy!! Although I'm not physically busy doing something he's got my mind working all the time.
I find comfort is knowing that I'm not alone, no matter what situation I'm going through. If nothing else, I hope this post can comfort others to know that it's okay to ask questions and be real!!

Brynn Bradley recently!!

2011-01-19T20:40:00.005-06:00

Brynn has been such a fun and easy baby!! Even when she wakes up during the night Amber says she just coos and smiles!! Laci, Megan, & Brynn continue to fill my heart with more love every time I see them!!

this baby girl has been stylin since she was born, Amber always has her dressed so cute!!

Brad, her daddy found this outfit @ the Baptist gift shop, she has camo boots to go with it!!

I kept Brynn while Amber took the two big girls to gymnastics.. apparently I was babysitting Charlie too!!

so comfy in her auntie's arms!!

BEAUTIFUL!!

We're still trying to figure out who she looks like.. any ideas?? We've gotten Wes recently and many people say me.. I think that's because of her dark features. Like her sisters, mommy, & nonny, I think she's going to have those baby blues!!

power of prayer

2011-01-17T20:27:00.005-06:00

Thank you to those of you who have prayed for my friend, her baby, and her family. I realize I haven't updated on what's happened since her appointment with the high risk doctor.. I feel like I'm re-writing/living my story as I go through this journey with her. At her specialists appointment they were too told that their baby "girl" would never live on this earth. Basically, like me, she was just an incubator to a baby that couldn't live outside of her. Although our baby's diagnosis were different the outcome was the same. My friend has since delivered her baby and HE is in Heaven with Weslee!! That's right I said he.. they had been told that they were having a girl and were surprised and amazed when a little boy entered this world. Although his spirit was already in Heaven his family was able to cherish some quality time with him. I believe in the power or prayer, even though I've had to do much soul searching on this subject the past few years.. our prayers aren't always answered the way we think they should but we believe in a God that is beyond our imagination and know that he has a perfect plan and will for our lives. My friend and I are a part of a sorority of mommy's who have lost babies far too soon. We will always question what went wrong, was it something we did, why us, what next... that's our earthly nature. Please continue to pray for my friend and her family as they try to get back to a "normal" routine..

why God...

2011-01-08T19:07:00.006-06:00

Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning. Psalm 30:5

I am once again writing with a heavy heart.. not for myself tonight but for a close friend. This friend who I will keep anonymous for now has just been given some sad news regarding her unborn child. Like our situation, they went in with such excitement and anticipation to find out the sex of their baby. They too found out they were expecting a baby girl!! Their joy soon turned to question as the technician found some alarming characteristics their baby has. After waiting hours to talk to their doctor they were not given much more hope or reassurance. They are to meet with a specialist hopefully this week. Their doctor told them what she thought the baby had but didn't give them 100% news of the outcome. What's so crazy is that the day I found out about our last baby, she (my friend) had texted me that morning just to check on me and say she loved me.. I had no idea I was going to the doctor that day, they just worked me in. I too texted her Friday morning to let her know I loved her and that I was praying for her appointment.. It's a God thing that we have each other!! I've found myself wanting to call or text her every five minutes just to let her know I'm thinking about her.. I woke up this morning thinking, did that really happen?? Surely they're not really dealing with this, I must've had a bad dream?? I know you're reading this and I want you to know that you are not alone!! You are one of the strongest, strong willed yet loving people that I know. I can handle when bad things happen to me but when they happen to those I love it goes to a whole new level. I want to take your pain away.. You are so fortunate to be surrounded by a family that most long for!! I pray you never once question if this bad news was a result of something you did.. I beat myself up for months after losing Weslee until I finally had a peace that there is no known cause for these disorders. Like my dad says, they call it practicing medicine for a reason!! You will always question/wonder what went wrong.. that question gets less and less over time.. I know first hand nothing anyone can say makes the situation any easier.. but it did help to know that I was being prayed for and thought about by so many. The news of your baby has not yet gone public and we do not have a definitive diagnosis. My prayer is that you guys have peace and an understanding after meeting with the specialist. I pray that the doctor has a tender heart and answers your many questions thoroughly. I am here for you through the good and the bad, like I told you last night we can handle anything thrown our way!! The unknown of what's next is enough to drive you crazy... you (and your honey) will get through this and be stronger people because of it!! We are here for you every step of the way.. I hope you know I am one phone call away and am literally willing to hold your hand through each appointment and decision you will have to make. If I've learned anything over the past few years it's that God works in mysterious ways.. good or bad news you have a princess in your belly that was conceived in love and is your daughter!! You are a mommy and will be a dang good one :) I love you, your baby, your other half, and your family like my own!! This journey may be bumpy but we're on it together and will get through it with faith, frustration, tears, laughter, & love!!

from one mommy to another, I love you friend!!

**please take a minute to pray for my friend, their baby girl, family, and the decisions they will have to face...

Branson 2010 cont'd...

2011-01-02T21:42:00.004-06:00

My MIL emailed me the pictures they took while we were in Branson at the beginning of December. I know I posted about our trip but I thought I'd add a few more pictures...

The past few years that we've gone have been bitter cold!! Thankfully, this year there was no rain and some sunshine!!

Dinner on Saturday night, it was a fish place on the Promenade - so good!!

Mary Ann & Phil (Ben's parents who are always so photogenic)

Kat & Trent (bless her heart, she was not feeling well)

Ben and I with his mom

Love our weekend get aways, we cherish the times we're able to do this!!

Mizell Christmas 2010

2011-01-02T21:24:00.007-06:00

The Mizell & Crow crew

Phil & one of his grand dogs & our #1 girl, Avery

me & my baby... & Ben :)

Mary Ann & Phil's beautiful tree, presents, & stockings

Avery had enough pictures.. can you tell we need a kid?? poor girl, I mean dog

Mary Ann & Avery

Trent & Katherine (they are huge Cowboys fans)

my sweet sister-in-law and I, Katherine

brother & sister

Ben, me, Kat, & Trent

our pride & joy!!

Once again, year after year we were spoiled like crazy!! Thank you Mary Ann & Phil for another memorable year!! Thank you too for letting us bring our horse of a dog with us, it means the world to all 3 of us!!

The (Sonny) Grant Farm - Christmas 2010

2011-01-02T20:46:00.007-06:00

Every year for the Grant side of the family we go out to the "Grant" farm. This year we celebrated on Christmas eve with a huge breakfast. Since the family is growing we decided a few years ago to play dirty Santa. Basically, you bring a present for each member of your family. We draw numbers to see what order we go in.. you always want the numbers later in the line so you can steal the best presents!! There are presents that are wanted by all, some that are hilarious, embarrassing, but that's what makes it memorable!! Here is a glimpse into our dirty Santa 2010:

mam maw Grant playing dirty and taking Marc's present!!

Marc's gift he ended up with will be a returning dirty Santa present I'm guessing.. two night lights with Brad's picture on them!!

poor Hannah... her first experience with dirty Santa with the Grant family and she picks edible candy undies HAHAHA I'm pretty sure Jace & Katie ended up with those (the newly weds) {don't judge us, all the gifts are in good fun}

Jace & Katie.... and the candies :)

mam maw Grant with her great granddaughter Brynn

Hannah & another present, a car detailing set.. no worries Brad ended up with it!!

Brad teaching Laci the ropes, to take the good stuff!! $25 Starbucks gift card (for her mom of course)

Katie & Megan

some of the family

dad making sure we all were on the same page with the dirty Santa rules.. the Grant family is known to be competitive!!

Ben opening up his first pick, a cup cake holder.. which Katie snatched!!

mom with her camo gloves she picked, soon to be swiped by Adam

Brad picked a gift that has been in the pile the last couple of years... it's a guy sitting on a commode that sings, thankfully there was a gift card attached!!

Katie & Jace Holmes

Grant, Amber (Brynn), Adam, aunt Connie

uncle Benny with Laci playing possum

It was a bittersweet Christmas without our beloved papaw Grant.. he would of been so proud of some of the "dirty" gifts!! I love the times at the farm we have together as a family. We are all so real, honest, happy, hard working, and proud of each other!! Thank you for the memories, already planning next years dirty gifts!!

2010 comes to an end...

2010-12-31T20:26:00.005-06:00

I have a few hours to get this post completed before the new year.. I can't believe it's almost 2011, where has the time gone?? When I think back to what all this year has brought to my family, I find myself thinking... random word choice I know but to be honest our lives have been filled with so many ups and downs I have to stop and take a deep breath!! We were thrilled to find out my sister, Amber was pregnant at the beginning of the year, had a wonderful beach vacation, Ben finished LPN school, becoming pregnant with baby #2, papaw Grant battling cancer, Ben getting accepted to RN school, learning our baby's heart stopped beating for no reason, surgery, papaw Grant going to Heaven, the birth of my healthy beautiful niece Brynn, a get away to Christmas shop, topped off with spending CHRISTmas with both sides of our families!! Those are the highlights, the ones that had the biggest impact on my year. I've said many times and I'll say it again.. we've learned from each situation, the good and the bad!! I've had many people tell me, next year will be better... I know this is meant as an encouragement but my first thought (which I keep to myself) is, "yea that's what we were told in 2009 too when we lost Weslee." If you know me personally that wont surprise you.. my mouth filter doesn't function properly :) BUT that's my first thought, I do not really go into each year discouraged or wondering, what now?? It would be very easy to do so but I can't help but to be hopeful and look forward to each experience that lies ahead for us!! My #1 goal (wish) for 2011 would be to welcome a healthy baby into this world of our own or I'll settle with just being pregnant :) I know that wish is beyond our control, but without faith and thinking positively how could we keep going?? A goal that is however in my control is to lose weight.. Ben set his mind to losing weight back in August and to date he's lost 30lbs!! He started running every day and watching what he ate and how much. I must admit I was even working out for a while... (nothing like him though) but after we lost this baby we both slacked off. He has kept his weight off and looks great, me on the other hand.. I've probably got 10-15lbs of extra poundage that I need to lose. I wear scrubs every day which to some seems like a dream. Well, to be honest it really is!! The down side is when you go home, put on dress up clothes, nothing fits properly & you feel large and in charge!! To me, that's one of the worst feelings EVER!!!! So what do I do.. put on sweats :) my family thinks its hilarious how comfortable I am in sweats and that I don't mind sporting them in public. With all that being said, I am going to lose weight as my new years resolution!! I'm not one to care what the scale says, I want to be happy when I look in the mirror and put on clothes. Pretty original I know but that's my plan and I'm sticking to it!!

I love my life and wouldn't trade it for anything!! I have a family that loves me and my many flaws unconditionally and a support system that keeps me accountable!! I look forward to 2011 and the new memories that it will bring!!

getting big!!

2010-12-20T21:02:00.006-06:00

Megan & Avery now...

then...

It's obvious we obnoxiously love our nieces & think they're the best thing since sliced bread... sadly, we feel the same way about our child, I mean dog Avery!!

WNBA future??

2010-12-20T20:51:00.005-06:00

This is Laci's first year to play basketball and she is loving it!! It's so funny watching them play at this age, they have no idea what's going on!!

Brad, Laci's dad is the coach!!

getting to her position...

pep talk!!

game time!!

I still can't believe Laci is old enough to play basketball on a team but I look forward to the many, many, many games I will atend to watch her!!

Sometimes I Cry

2010-12-19T20:25:00.005-06:00

When I was having one of those days where I could barely talk to someone without crying a good friend sent me this song & told me to listen to the lyrics..

Sometimes I Cry - Jason Crabb

I look the part
blend in with the rest of the church crowd
I know the routine
I could list all the bible studies in town
watch christian TV
I know all the preachers...their cliches
been born again, without a doubt I know I'm saved

But sometimes I hurt and sometimes I cry
sometimes I can't get it right
no matter how hard I seem to try
sometimes I fall down
stumble over my own disguise
I try to look strong
as the whole world looks on
but sometimes alone I cry

I try to speak faith
never give the devil one inch to get in
I do worship and praise
let everybody know just where that I stand
on the back of my ride is a fish and a cross
for the world to see
I know God is good, all of the time
yes there's no doubt for me

But sometimes I hurt and sometimes I cry
sometimes I can't get it right
no matter how hard I seem to try
sometimes I fall down
stumble over my own disguise
I try to look strong
as the whole world looks on
but sometimes alone I cry

Sometimes I fall down
stumble over my own disguise
I try to look strong as the whole world looks on
but sometimes alone I cry

I try to look strong as the whole world looks on
but sometimes alone I cry

Merry Christmas 2010

2010-12-19T19:55:00.004-06:00

Merry CHRISTmas to you all, God Bless Ben & Sarah!!

My sister snapped this picture for us after church today.. she also took some awesome ones of the girls, you should go to her blog & have a look!!

She also mentioned that we should make this picture a Christmas card & send them out.. to be honest, I thought about it for a second but then decided I wasn't ready. I know, we lost Weslee in 2009 but something still feels and probably always will feel missing..

Merry Christmas to you all - please remember the real reason for the season - Christ!!

Brynn

2010-12-11T22:42:00.003-06:00

Brynn has been such a wonderful baby and so fun to love on the past few weeks.. hard to believe on Monday she will already be 3 weeks old!!

her favorite thing is to sleep with her hands above her head or on her face.. precious!!

Brynn and her nonny (my mom)

sleeping beauty!!

I can't tell you how much Brynn has filled a void in my heart!! Of course I have a special place for both babies we've lost and place(s) for the children we long for.. God knows what we need and when we need it, Ben and I continue to learn patience and understanding daily.

a first for Laci...

2010-12-11T22:39:00.004-06:00

Laci had a big first last week... she lost her first tooth!! She had been wiggling the dang tooth for weeks & finally one of her teachers pulled it for her. Needless to say she was so proud, as are we!!

Happy 4th Birthday Megan!!

2010-12-11T22:24:00.006-06:00

On December 7 Megan Lynn Bohannan celebrated her 4th birthday!! Where has the time gone, it seems like yesterday we were waiting on her to get here... She had a party with her friends at a local jumping place the Saturday before her actual birthday. Ben and I were in Branson so we were unable to attend :( On her actual birthday we had a small get together at their house. Mammaw & papaw Caple and aunt Brenda (moms parents & sister) were able to stop by.

mom, Orene (mammaw) Doc (papaw) & Brenda

Orene with Brynn

One of the many gifts Megan got was a home pedicure kit.. Auntie has spoiled the girls with going to get their nails done so what better gift!!

Brad took Laci and Meg to see Tangled a week ago.. she got a Tangled bath time fun kit.

New attire

The girls giving each other pedicures!!

Just blew out the candles & now enjoying their favorite part... licking the candles!!

The new Shrek movie - I'm not sure who loves the movies more us or the girls!!

Happy Birthday cake!!

The birthday girl!!

Megan is loved more than she knows and got some wonderful presents from friends and family!!

In memory...

2010-12-06T20:25:00.005-06:00

Ben and I got home from Branson Sunday afternoon.. I was hoping we would be home before four o'clock because at Ballard Funeral Home they had a memorial service for those that have passed away this year. I wanted to be there to honor my papaw Grant.. It was neat to look around the room and know we were in the company of others that were honoring ones they loved and lost. What I wasn't prepared for were the emotions that took over me. There was a speaker that did an amazing job, I wish I had what he said on video.. I felt like he was talking directly to me with everything that we've been through. I tried to push my emotions and the lump in my throat away, far far away!! There was also a solo that was beautiful.. That solo was followed by a lighting ceremony that was very touching. As each candle was lit we were told to say the name of the one(s) we were honoring. I must admit I haven't said "papaw Grant" aloud since he went to be with Jesus. It was much harder than I anticipated.. at the same time I was so proud to say his name and pass the light on!! When all the candles were lit they played a song.. I can't tell you what song because at that point I lost it!! I was overwhelmed with emtions.. all those feelings I was pushing away in the beginning came out, in full force!! I actually had to get up and walk out.. I couldn't handle it, I didn't want to go back to that place. That place being, what we no longer have with us!! I am not one to show my emtions much to anyone, especially in public. I'm not a poker player but if I was I "bet" I'd have a great face!! It's not a pride thing, I can't explain why I'm the way I am.. I find I try to be tough for those around me, to let them know I'm okay?! Ballard did such an amazing job at putting together a service that was so special for those that have lost loved ones. This holiday season is a first of many get togethers without our beloved papaw Grant.. Thanksgiving was bitter sweet, we lit papaw's burn barrell and enjoyed just being together!! Papaw told his doctors and nurses that he had too much to live for to be sick.. I know that he's looking down on us, proud of his newest great granddaughter Brynn, looking forwad to the wedding of Katie & Jace, & seeing us be together as a family!!

I've been struggling lately with a lot of questions for God.. It took me a while to talk to him (as silly as that sounds) after losing this baby. I'm reading and reseaching many aspects of prayer.. I could write a book on all the questions I have. It's amazing what your mind does to you when you go through turmoil. I've said many times before that there have been positives come out of our trials. I think, what if we wouldn't of gone through these heartaches, what if everything would of been easy... would I of ever learned the lessons I have thus far?? My faith has and continues to be tested like never before!! I have questions that I'm ashamed to ask because it sounds as though I question my faith. I am a OCD person and need to know the why's of everything!!! I'm fortunate to have my dad and be able to bounce questions off of him.. he's recently given me a book to read that I'm praying will answer many of my nagging questions about prayer, God, & the future. Pleae pray for Ben and I as we continue every day and look for God's purpose in our lives..

Branson 2010

2010-12-06T20:15:00.005-06:00

For the past 3 years Bens parents have taken us, his sister & her husband to Branson around Christmas. It's always such a nice escape and we needed it this year more than ever!! Ben had not been on a trip since our Branson trip last year.. with school and work, he's been stuck at home.

Trent, Katherine, Ben, me (a few of these pictures are blurry, I'm hoping his parents pictures turned out better than mine)

Ben and I (brrr)

On his parents balcony.. we always stay @ Branson Landing which is so nice to be able to walk out the door & have shopping right there!!

my handsome baby daddy & hubby!!

We were so thankful the sun was out on Saturday which made the wind chill not sting as bad..

Thank you Mary Ann and Phil for another wonderful, memorable trip!!

Brynn Bradley Bohannan

2010-11-28T21:12:00.004-06:00

I must apologize for not putting pictures of Brynn up yet.. I've spent far too much time holding and loving on Brynn and her big sisters!! Amber, Brynn, & her whole family are doing great!! Setting into a family of 5 beautifully!! I stole these pics off of Amber's blog because I took all the pictures with her camera..

sleeping beauty!!

Bohannan family of 5 - Brad's going to have his work cut out for him!!

Checking everything out!!

Brynn arriving has been the best medicine for my heart.. nothing can take the place of our Weslee or our most recent loss but boy has she got auntie smiling again!!

SHE'S HERE!!

2010-11-23T18:27:00.004-06:00

Brynn decided to make her arrival into the world a day early.. Amber was having some issues that she went in to get checked out Monday morning. They had her walk around for a few hours and when they checked her again she was making progress so they kept her!!!!!!!!!! Fluids, pit, water breaking, Stadol, epidural, & lot's of pressure = a beautiful 6'10, 18 1/2" long beautiful, healthy baby girl!!!!! I am ashamed to say that I have no pictures to put on here right now.. I have some on my phone but have no idea how to get them from there to my computer?!! I was in charge of photography throughout the day and labor but I was using Amber's camera.. so I promise soon I will get copies of those pics or have Ben upload the pics off my phone. I must admit, she is beautiful... not sure who she looks like?? She has tiny features just like her daddy!! Her big sisters are in love and we can't wait to show her off!!

(she was born @ 5:59pm on Monday, Nov 22 - Amber is doing wonderful as well)

Due Date!!

2010-11-20T21:09:00.003-06:00

I can hardly contain my excitement about Tuesday, November 23 because...... my #3 niece, Brynn Bradley Bohannan will be here!!!! It's been a long couple of years for our family personally.. after losing Weslee and Amber having a miscarriage, we joked (warped humor I know) that we just need a baby!!! Well, our desires are coming true and we couldn't be more excited!! Of course Brynn could decide to come any time between now and Tuesday (which Amber would LOVE) but we're elated there's an end in sight!! I'll be the proud, annoying auntie in the delivery room with the camera!! Brynn, you're already loved more than you know and you've got an entourage of people praying for you and your safe and swift arrival!!

*Please take a second and pray for my sister & Brynn and their safety!!

Thank you all...

2010-11-17T17:59:00.004-06:00

Thank you for your encouraging comments and prayers, Ben and I appreciate them more than you know!! We both went back to work this week and did well considering.. we're trying to get back to life as "normal." We've been asked many questions following the loss of this baby but the main one I've received is, "was this the first time you were to hear the heartbeat?" We've known we were pregnant since very early on.. we had been seeing and hearing the baby's heartbeat since week 5. As of my 12 week (12 w, 6 d) appointment the baby was moving like crazy with a heartbeat in the 170's!! So you can imagine the shock by all when I went in around what I thought was 13-14 weeks to see nothing.. (When a baby's heart stops beating it shrinks in size which was why I measured 12 weeks, 4 days at that appointment.) There is no correlation between what happened with Weslee and this baby.. for whatever reason this baby's heart just stopped beating?? After surgery the doctor was very reassuring to my family that everything looked perfect!! Meaning, everything was attached properly.. that fact is a positive but it's also very puzzling?! We were encouraged to start trying right away, that is if and when we're ready.. I keep telling myself how fortunate we are that we could even get pregnant.. for a while we were starting to wonder. We're trying not to let the devil get the best of us and stay positive!! We're relatively young, healthy, and have no known predisposed risks.. like our doctor put it, we just had some bad luck?! I was reminded yesterday by a friend that has lost an infant that these babies were never ours!! Such a strong point, I do believe this but I'm still human and am extremely selfish in wanting these precious gifts!! Thank you again for your continued prayers and I'll be updating with what God is doing in our lives...

another chapter to our book...

2010-11-14T17:26:00.006-06:00

I've been going over and over in my head how to write this post.. for four days actually. There's really no easy way to put it, so here it is...

I've talked about how awesome my OB clinic and his staff are!! Any time I have a question or concern they call me back within minutes and offer to get me in for reassurance.. this past Thursday was just like any other day, I had a question which the nurse assured me was normal. A few hours later she called back & said they had a cancellation and for me to come in.. (not because she was concerned but because I work in the same building and they treat me like a celebrity) No one knew I was going to see the doctor but the girls and doctor I work with.. I was actually hoping he could find out what we were having so I could surprise Ben with a blue or pink onsie on my way home.. After laughing with the nurse and doctor about how paranoid I was they proceeded with the ultrasound.. after a few silent seconds (which seemed like hours) I finally looked up @ the ceiling and softly said, there's no heartbeat. The doctor was silent for another second and answered, "I don't see one." He continued to look, at every angle possible and the baby was not moving and there was no heartbeat in the chest cavity. To say the doctor was shocked is an understatement, he was at a loss for words.. I found myself laying on that cold table, alone having de ja vu of this time a year ago. The worst part of the whole ordeal was having to call Ben and our families and completely blindsiding them with the news. Since I was between 13-14 weeks along I had to have a D & E on Friday.. Physically I feel good, mild cramping but nothing like I anticipated, I plan on going back to work tomorrow. Ben and I spent last night pouring our hearts out to each other for the first time since finding out our second babies fate on Thursday afternoon.. Our doctor assured us that Weslee and this baby passing away had nothing to do with each other, his exact words were, "this sucks and it's just bad luck." That sounds unsympathetic but it's so true.. many people have miscarriages but only 5% have them in their second trimesters.. there's no known cause, again we have no answers.. we were told that the odds of this happening again are low and we were encouraged to go for it again!! All Ben and I can do is try to stay positive and look to the future... At first I said, shouted actually, I can't do this again, I don't want to do this again.. but that's something that I will pray about and put in Gods hands. I still have my faith and know that God has a perfect plan for us all!! Just like last time we've already been surrounded by wonderful support, family, friends, & familiar stories to let us know we're not alone... please pray that Ben and I can be strong in our faith and make the right decisions as we move forward with our family.

On a positive note, my sister should be delivering Brynn (niece #3) any time, at the latest early next week!! One of the first things I told my doctor once finding out about this baby was, it's okay I've got a new niece coming any time!! Random what thoughts pop into your head in the midst of tragedy.. I love my sister and her family, those girls are a great healing for me, when I see them I see hope, life, innocence, and pure love!! Megan actually said when they told her auntie's baby was "sick" again that... "ohh so it'll be in Heaven with baby Weslee." So true Megan, so true!!

26 years old??!

2010-11-08T20:47:00.006-06:00

On November 7 I celebrated my 26th birthday, where have the years gone?? When people ask me my age I automatically want to say 21.. I keep having to ask my family how old I really am.

On Saturday night we celebrated with my immediate family @ my sister's house. She has a wound burning fireplace which is my favorite so I requested that be going!!Since my taste buds have been very sensitive I got to pick the menu - thank you mom for cooking all day, it was amazing!!

poppyseed chicken

hashbrown casserole, sweet potato casserole, & crescent rolls

my card from Laci that she picked our and wrote in.. inside there was some change which she got from her wallet, melted my heart!!

I'm not a big fan of sweets but I will eat a little ice cream cake which is what we had..

On Sunday night we celebrated with Ben's immediate fam @ Johnny Carino's, YUMM!! Sadly, I didn't take any pictures.. I was too busy eating bread with oil!!

It's crazy when you're married or in the real world your presents change from "things" to money!!!

I received some wonderful gifts from all my family, thank you so much!!

trying to stay positive!!

2010-11-05T21:01:00.005-05:00

First off, thank you all so much for your kind words!! I know I wrote that last post then kind of left you all hanging.. When I said I was fine with not telling anyone until I couldn't hide it, I was very serious. I think it was my way of feeling in control?? With our last pregnancy I was so open & honest with the world that when things started unraveling I felt like that same world was in the middle of our business. I hope no one takes that the wrong way, we could not of been more loved, prayed for, & taken care of during that time.. I am a very private person, I come by it honestly from my dad. I guess in some way I thought if we kept this to ourselves and something happened, no one would know & maybe it wouldn't hurt as bad?? That statement sounds morbid, like I was/am waiting for something to happen.. I believe that's a normal feeling after losing a child to such a rare disorder. My faith is strong & I believe God has a plan but I am not perfect & I still have days that I question the future. We were told at our last appointment that we were over all the "major" issues.. after Ben heard that he was itching to tell the world (as was my immediate family) Ben reminded me that the more people that knew the more people that could pray for us. I have not downloaded the ultrasound pictures yet, it seems this fatigue & nausea are going to hang around in the second trimester too.. I never really knew what an abnormal ultrasound picture looked like until our 20 week appt with Weslee, but to see the perfectly shaped head and kicking arms & legs is breathtaking!! I feel more @ peace after each and every appointment we have. I think once I start showing more & feel him/her kick it'll get even easier. All in all I've had a pleasant pregnancy thus far. I work full time & am on my feet 95% of the time. A lot of that time I'm in the OR sewing or retracting which takes muscles & maneuvering in random positions. I love love love my job and hope to work until the day I deliver.. I went to the doctor on Thursday and everything looked "perfect" as Dr. M said. I get to go back in a few weeks and he said we may even be able to find out what the sex of the baby is.. Since I'm considered high risk I do have an ultrasound at every appointment which is probably more for my peace of mind than the doctors. I will go see the specialist that delivered Weslee around 20 weeks with a high tech ultrasound machine to check each & every crevice of the baby.

I am one proud mommy!!

If Ben only knew the amount of money we've spent on pregnancy tests :)

I am going to be as open as I feel comfortable being about this pregnancy. Ben and I look forward to each appointment & can't wait to see how much the baby has grown in just a matter of weeks!!

one year ago today...

2010-10-24T19:39:00.008-05:00

It's amazing how quickly time goes by.. one year ago today the following pictures and memories were made. Ben and I were surrounded by immediate family as our daughter, Weslee Faith Mizell was stillborn @ 20 weeks (5 months.)

We were amazed at how she looked @ just 20 weeks in my belly.. we could tell she already had facial features like her dad and long legs like her mom.

I loved watching Ben hold, caress, &; just stare at Weslee..

I cried, laughed, kissed, and talked as I held her for the first time.. to some I know this may seem crazy (because her sweet spirit was already in Heaven) but for us it was closure..

Once our families had gone home we had a few hours alone with Weslee and each other.. I must admit I spent some of that time crying to God asking why I had to go through such a painful (phsycially & emotionally) time.. not only did we not get to know our daughter on this earth, I had to endure childbirth and all that goes with it.. that was me being selfish!! Ben and I also spent time thanking God for allowing us to have the time we did with her.. it's a weird place to be, never did we imagine we'd be put in the situation we were. It makes it 10x harder when you know you've done everything by the textbook, what went wrong, what did I do?? The medical field has no reason why some babies are anencephalic?? So you can imagine the questions Ben and I had and continue to have..

I've been very open about our struggle with infertility.. When we got the okay from my doctor to start "trying" again we did. We were ready!! I thought to myself, surely after what we went through I will get pregnant easy and have another baby in 9 months to help with this void in my heart and soul... boy was I wrong!! We used a wonderful fertility doctor in Little Rock (I'd be happy to give you his info if you're interested) who held our hands through each poke and procedure. Without getting into all the details of the tests, we were basically told that my L fallopian tube was blocked and my ovaries were very small for my age. Dr. B said that years ago, a woman my age & with the issues above they would go straight to IVF (in vitro fertilization.) Before we started that I had a surgery to see if they could unblock the L tube, if not they were to remove it. I've had a long history of endometriosis and come to find out that's what was blocking my tube. During that surgery a retractor slipped & my cervix was torn. We were not to "try" to have a baby for two weeks and I had to be careful in my every day activities. A side note, I had surgery on a Wednesday and my papaw Grant went into hospice the following week and went to be with Jesus on Friday.. talk about a heavy load!! The plan after surgery was to wait on mother nature and then start with fertility drugs.. after waiting weeks I was concerned something wasn't right.. My concern turned to terror as I took and had a positive pregnancy test!! Yes, you read that right, a positive pregnancy test. Some time after surgery & the two week waiting period Ben and I convieved the baby in my belly now!! I am currently 12 weeks pregnant :) I have been super hesitent to say anything to anyone.. Immediate family knew right away beecause I needed their support and prayers. I did not want to tell the world until I saw a whole, healthy baby. We're being treated like celebrities @ my new OB doctor, getting ultrasounds every three weeks & even more if I need some reassurance!! I was fine not telling anyone until I couldn't hide it anymore.. but we were assured at my latest appointment that the baby was perfect right now and we saw a whole body and perfect head!!! All we can say about this is that it's a God thing.. we were told by the fertility specialist that drugs were our only way to conceive remember?? So please, all of you that are struggling with infertility please don't give up!!!! I am proof that you can defy the odds and God does work miracles!! Our little miracle is due around May 12!!

Today has been a bitter sweet day, Heaven is rejoicing the birthay of our Weslee!! I picture her being rocked and sung to by papaw Grant, then I see her running through fields of flowers, skipping and running around!! One day we will be with her and we will have no questions, no worries, pure bliss!!

Happy Birthday, Amber!!

2010-10-23T19:13:00.005-05:00

This time last year my sister was not celebrating her 30th birthday like she should of been, she was sitting in my hospital room. At the time I was obviously not in my right mind, but I do remember Amber saying that she was excited to share her birthday with her niece Weslee.. but she was stubborn like her momma & decided to have her own birthday, the 24th. Today was a much different day, although fresh in all of our minds, we enjoyed food, laughter, presents, & sweets!!

lot's of icing!!

"Happy birthday mom!" Megan

"Happy birthday mom!" Laci

Her present from mom, a Happy Everything plate from Hallmark, I got her a few plates to go with it..

Her many birthday cards!!

Amber - I'm so glad we were able to get together this year for your birthday. A lot has happened in the past year but it's made us closer than ever. I love you!!

Katie's shower!

2010-10-18T21:30:00.004-05:00

Along with my sister's shower on Friday night, we had a wedding shower for our cousin Katie on Saturday. She lives in Heber Springs and has for years but she still has a big family and friend base here.. it was a great turn out and she got some awesome gifts!! I can't wait for her December wedding, it will be beautiful!!

food table

The beautiful bride to be, Katie Harris... soon to be Holmes (yes, Katie Holmes)

(people always think we're sisters, she is my dad's sister's daughter.. I am a spitting image of that side of the family, unlike my sis who looks identical to our mom.. Wes, our brother, well I guess he came from the milk man)

getting ready for baby Brynn!!

2010-10-18T21:17:00.005-05:00

Since my sis is having her third baby girl she didn't think she would have a shower.. Devon & I couldn't let that happen so we planned a small get together and invited some close friends for an "essentials" shower.. she got some great things she needed for a new one like bath shampoos, lotions, toys, burp cloths, paci's, & some blankets to name a few. She was so thankful and pleased with how it turned out.

yummy food

Becca, Devon, & Amber

punch & cake (made my Devon, so creative)

awesome banner, also made by Devon

Now all we need is baby Brynn to show up!! Amber's due date is around November 27 but we're hoping she gets induced early the week of Thanksgiving!! (we have to be ready for black Friday, priorities!!)

Memorial Service

2010-09-28T14:58:00.004-05:00

I always enjoy getting mail addressed to me that I'm not expecting.. a few days ago I received something addressed to me from Baptist Health. The following is what I read...

SHARE MEMORIAL SERVICE

Dear Parents,

You are invited to join us Sunday, October 24, 2010, at 3:00 pm for a memorial service held in remembrance of those babies who have died due to miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, stillborn, or a neonatal death.

Nothing could of prepared me for this particular piece of mail.. Not only did it bring raw emotions to the surface but the day of the memorial will be exactly one year to the day I delivered Weslee.. what are the odds??

On this day it will be a time to remember, to name, and to honor the children with prayers, music, and fellowship. There will be a balloon release and refreshments.. They welcome friends and family.

I realize I will have reminders of our first born for the rest of my life.. Yes I am still saddened, hurt, some days angry and selfish that Weslee is not here with us. At the same time I am grateful to God that he allowed us to get pregnant, that we were blessed with a baby girl, and that she's in a better place. I believe throughout every situation in life God is trying to teach us something.. I've said many times that there are many days I have to search for the positives or what God is trying to show me but they're there.. it may not be what I have in mind but it's God's will and I trust in that.

Ben and I will forever be Weslee's parents and tell her story.. we're embracing each day we have and looking forward to the future. We still have many blank pages in our future to fill up!!

It means the world to me that there are SHARE counselors that put together memorial services for parents like us. I think of my daughter every day and her memory will always be fresh.. it seems the world keeps going all around us and her memory slips away from others.. of course this is natural and normal, how many times have I walked passed someone or talked about myself instead of thinking of others.. I obviously have a new appreciation for pregnancy and infant loss. It's with FAITH, counselors, friends & family that help make each brighter.

Avery

2010-09-19T21:35:00.004-05:00

I figured it was time to put up a few new pictures of our #1 girl, Avery.. and walk down memory lane a bit.. I can't explain how instrumental she's been over these past few years.. she always put a smile on our faces, no matter what we're going through. Such unconditional love she has to offer!!

THEN...

NOW

She's almost caught up to my weight, which is a scary thing!! I love getting neighbors reactions when we go on our nightly walks.. to Ben and I she's a lap dog but the comments from outsiders makes us laugh. We passed a little girl in a stroller the other night who asked her mom if she was a cow, too funny!!

my thought for the day

2010-09-15T09:26:00.001-05:00

"God works miracles and He has a plan that supersedes our senses." Priscilla Shirer

Surprise!!

2010-09-07T18:02:00.003-05:00

Wes has been back in Atlanta for a good couple weeks now.. we had talked about going to visit him over the long Labor Day weekend. With work, school, and money costs we decided it wasn't a good time. Mom got the idea to see how much a plane ticket would be for Wes to come home Friday and fly back Monday.. we also had to check his baseball schedule. We thought it would be so fun to fly him in to surprise Hannah!! Since he had baseball practice Friday dad got him a later flight.. I told Hannah earlier in the week to take off work Saturday because I had a "special" day planned for us.. that's honestly the only thing I told her and she was a good sport. (unlike myself, I hate surprises and would've thrown a fit) Friday night was the big Benton/Bryant salt bowl which meant the Quinn family would be at the game til late... Wes's plane got in around 11:30 that night so we had Hannah come over to Amber's to hang out and celebrate Brad's birthday.. or so we said.. about 10 minutes after she got to Amber's mom called & said they were pulling up. I said that the neighbor had something they wanted to show us outside so Amber, Hannah, and myself walked into the garage.... which stood Wes!! It was so sweet, Hanny screamed & cried!! Ben and Brad didn't understand why we were getting so involved but it was precious!! That's what sister's are for right :)

We're so glad we pulled it off..

We love you uncle Wes!!

cookout!!

2010-09-07T17:53:00.004-05:00

A few weekends ago the Quinn's invited us over for dinner.. we had heard that Coach Quinn was a grill master so we were eager to try his steaks!! Let me just say, they did not let us down!! The food and fellowship was amazing!!

Hannah and Mrs. Jodi

yummy steaks!!

Wes had gone back to Atlanta earlier in the week so we were skyping him throughout the evening..

Mom - Amber - Hannah - Jodi

Amber (baby Brynn) - Hannah - me

Thank you guys, we had a wonderful time!!

timing

2010-09-01T20:38:00.004-05:00

Have you ever been down in the dumps about one thing or another??

I've mentioned vaguely that Ben and I are suffering with infertility. We're still not at a place where we feel comfortable opening up about all the details... and believe me, there are a ton!! Since meeting with the fertility specialist there has been a plan after leaving each appointment. Being OCD, a nurse, and perfectionist in many aspects of my life plans make me smile; like lists!! Since my surgery the plan has stalled and it is a waiting game.. I know I'm hyper sensitive when friends, family, total strangers announce they're pregnant. It's like my ears are perked up for that word?? I've always had and still have a genuine happiness for these people. Of course deep down I am bitter.. not at the person that's pregnant just at our situation. I've said over and over and over................ I KNOW that God has a plan for every one's life!! If I didn't truly believe that I couldn't get through each day. Just because I believe and I know His word is true doesn't mean I don't struggle. I'm learning patience now more than ever and my faith is growing stronger each and every day. Today was one of those days I was blog stalking and came across a friend of a friend who's pregnant. This particular family has also gone through the loss of a child and I couldn't be more happy for them!! I quickly got off the computer as my eyes filled with tears. I can't explain the feeling that came over me. I feel that I've done so well over the past few months.. waiting and listening for what God has to say and what He's going to do. For some reason today all of my emotions spilled out. I find that I break down in the most random times and places because of the most random things.. my tears today were of pure bliss for this family.. yet they turned into, why God - why!!!! I should add that today my doctor left the office early, the office mgr was sick and the secretary left at noon. I had from about 12-4 to myself. What's neat is that right after I turned the computer off Ben walks in.. I'm sure when he walked in my office he wanted to back right out. He hates when I cry and doesn't know what to say, which is true of many men. He told me that he was supposed to worry and I was the strong one. Whether that statement is true or not, it did make me laugh. We're such opposites yet are so perfect for each other!! Ben had to go back to work and after I did some busy work I decided to look @ Facebook. I saw that I had a message and proceeded to read it.. This person, whom I do not know had heard about our story from a nurse @ the surgery center we work at. She proceeded to tell me that she saw the same fertility specialist I did and that I WAS NOT ALONE. How in the world did that message come today, just when I needed it!! It sounds so silly that words from a stranger was just what I needed to hear. Of course I know that we're not alone, yet so many days it feels like it. People still ask me, almost on a daily basis if we're going to have another baby. They mean well but I want to scream WE'RE TRYING!! Never would I have imagined going down this road; it sure is bumpy!! My lifelong goal has always been to be a mommy. That goal was reached when I became pregnant with our daughter Weslee in June 2009. Although she did not live on this earth I am still her mom and am proud to tell her story.

The point of this blog post?? great question...

My intentions were to simply tell how a total stranger made a huge impact on my life today. Somehow I ended up writing a novel.

Please continue to pray for Ben and I as we take each day at a time.

As my dad would say, "Everyday's a good day, some day's are just better than others"

BOOT CAMP

2010-08-23T20:30:00.004-05:00

Ben has been working out & running since the beginning of this month.. I will post more details @ the end of the month with his statistics. I must admit he's already amazed me and the # changes on the scale are huge!! I decided instead of laying on the couch while he works out I should be doing something too.. I'm not a runner, never have been.. (I always get a cramp in my side haha) A while ago, and by while I mean a year or more I bought the Denise Austin 3-week boot camp DVD @ Target. I also got some weights to go along with it.. hey, she was holding weights in the pictures :) Ben started a new workout regimen tonight so I thought I would start too.. to be honest I'm having trouble typing this because my arms are so numb!! I do feel very proud of myself though, neither Ben or myself thought I could finish the 20 minute routine. The front of the DVD says that you can "trim inches and lose up to 2 dress sizes." I should probably go get an updated workout DVD considering she's wearing a shiny gold belt and halter in this but it's what we've got for now... I've weighed myself today and will weigh again in 3 three weeks. I'm not one that cares what a scale says, I just care if I'm happy when I look in the mirror and right now I'm not.. I've gained more weight since delivering Weslee then the whole 5 months I was pregnant with her!! That's not good - I intend on putting my emotions on this work out and getting lean and mean!! OK not really, just healthy!!

......off to a nice HOT bath!!

Niece #3!!

2010-08-22T18:45:00.004-05:00

I'm a tad bit late on posting this but can't believe I forgot.. chances are, if you read my blog you also read my sister's and already know the exciting news!! Her third daughter and my niece has a name... Brynn Bradley Bohannan!! I haven't mentioned in a while how excited I am about her arrival!!! Amber went to baby views at 17 weeks and found out she was having a girl.. when she's closer to the big day she's going to do 4D pictures. I cannot wait and I'll post pics when that time comes!! Being an "auntie" is the most rewarding thing in the whole wide world!! These girls treat me like I'm the most amazing person on the universe. Each time I see them it's like the first and it melts my heart!! The girls have such pure hearts and are so innocent. Laci and Megan still ask me randomly about Weslee.. questions like, is she still in Heaven, was she sick, do you have a baby in your belly, etc.. obviously at first these questions choked me up but each time they ask it gets easier... Megan tells me she wants me to have two babies, one named Maggie and the other Deuteronomy. Laci wants me to have a boy.. who knows what God has in store. I can't wait to see who/what Brynn looks like, will she have blue eyes like her sisters or darker eyes like her daddy?? One more reason I'm ready for fall... baby Brynn arrives!!!

One of those days...

2010-08-18T21:38:00.004-05:00

I have not been a good blogger for a few weeks now... (let's be honest, I've never been on top of my game with blogging) To be honest these past few weeks have been filled with ups and down.. I find myself wanting to blog but it's usually when my heart is heavy and I need to spill my emotions. The last thing I want is to be a "debbie downer" so I try not to overload you with "poor Sarah." Do not get me wrong.. My life is beyond amazing and I'm surrounded by people who love me, have a great job, husband, dog, family, and friends (in no particular order)...

Two weeks ago today I had surgery, I did not blog about this and many of my own personal friends don't even know. Since delivering Weslee and given the okay medically Ben and I have been trying to have another baby. After six months we started meeting with a fertility specialist.. I've been poked & prodded many times over the past few months.. I get asked all the time, "when are you going to have another baby, are you trying, etc." I do not mind answering that question, I am guilty of asking the same thing.. I will blog more about the specifics of our journey thus far when my heart is ready..

I've found myself on multiple occasions telling God that we should not be dealing with infertility, we should be loving on our 6 month old daughter, Weslee.. that is one of the biggest internal battles I have with myself.. I also still question what happened, was it something I did?? Why anencephaly?? Medically there is no known cause and as a nurse I know that. But as a mom, her mom I think I will always question "what went wrong"..

As for now, it helps me emotionally to know we have a plan. (knowing that it's really not up to us at all) I am someone that LOVES details and I'm an avid blog stalker.. I promise to write about our journey soon!! Please pray for Ben and I as we continue to walk down this road that is so foreign to us.. not to mention stressful and expensive. I'm reading Plan B right now by Pete Wilson, it's an amazing book thus far.. although it's a book, for me it's a daily devotional.

Ben is now working 12 hr shifts a couple times a week.. I love that because he's home with Avery and I a lot!! Today is one of those days where he's working and I am here thinking... I walk in and out of the baby room, move things around only to change them back, look in my closet @ all the tiny onsies and few maternity clothes I had... the more I write the more I feel like that "debbie downer" I described above.. I hope you don't see this as poor me but me being real. I used to pray that God would give us a healthy baby.. I now pray that He opens our hearts and minds for whatever His desire is for us.

We're called to be faithful to God, even when it seems he hasn't been faithful to us. We're called to love him, even when we feel abandoned. We're called to look for him, even in the midst of the darkness. We're call to worship him, even through our tears - Pete Wilson, Plan B

Papaw Grant

2010-08-07T21:01:00.005-05:00

I've talked on and off about my papaw Grant and his battle with lung cancer since last October.. I've asked you to pray for him and our family as we dealt with this disease. On August 6 (yesterday) my papaw went to be with the LORD!! I know the angels are rejoicing and he's singing in the choir but here on earth our hearts are heavy. Some of you know me personally and my family, others are just blog stalkers (like myself) who stumbled across here.. I ask that you continue to pray for us in the coming days, weeks, months, & years. We, as grandchildren are so fortunate to have had all four of our grandparents around for as long as we did. We have so many wonderful years and memories with papaw Grant!! We are going to celebrate his life on Monday with family and friends. It will truly be a celebration of the joy, laughter, and love be brought to soo many!!

**I must admit I'm jealous he is getting to rock and sing to our baby girl, Weslee!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LACI!!

2010-07-27T19:36:00.004-05:00

Six years ago today our world was rocked for the better when Laci Kyle Bohannan was born. She is so smart, sweet, athletic, beautiful, sassy... I could go on & on. She really is one of my best friends, if I have anyting to do with it, it'll be that way forever!! I love having nieces, it's such a special bond that I can't explain. Happy Birthday Laci, we love you so much!!

the birthday girl having a piece of cake!!

reading is one of her favorite things to do, we're all so proud!!

some of the fam gathered for her big day!!

me & the 6 year old Laci!!

one of her many gifts was the Justin Bieber CD, she was sooo excited!! She also got a Justin Bieber tshirt to go with it!!

Swim day!!

2010-07-27T15:28:00.005-05:00

We enjoyed some time @ the pool last week, the girls LOVE LOVE LOVE to swim. Megan even started jumping off the diving board with no floaties & swimming to the side. We're so proud of her but @ the same time we have to watch her every move. The child has no fear, unlike Laci who always follows the rules!! Sounds like my sister & me growing up... & now!! I can't wait to see who baby girl B #3 is going to act like!!

Laci soaking up the sun, trying to dry off..

Megan Lynn

this child has no fear!!

Laci was not ready to go home, these two girls could swim all day!!

Happy Anniversary!!

2010-07-22T19:12:00.008-05:00

I'm a day late on this post but we had a busy day yesterday with working, school, & eating with family.

On July 21, 2010 (yesterday) Ben & I celebrated our 3 year anniversary!! It seems like yesterday we were both living in Fayetteville, working @ Outback playing hard to get with each other.. oh the memories I have with Ben!!

If you would've told me years ago what Ben & I would go through in our first three years of marriage I would've been skeptical.. when we talked about our future we always talked about our dream jobs, cars, & names of our future children. Never would I of imagined working for a plastic surgeon as a RN, Ben having a career change @ 30 (which he loves), getting an English Mastiff (dog/horse), struggling with infertility, & losing our first child. Those are just some of the highlights.. All of these life changes came with good & bad emotions.. but through it all I'm so proud to say we stood by each other!! Our relationship is stronger today than it has ever been. Ben & I are opposites in so many ways but we compliment each other wonderfully.

I'm not much on mooshy mooshy talk but I do love my husband and am so blessed that we're on this journey together.. we cherish every day we have together because we've learned each day is a gift!! We do not worry about tomorrow because we know where we're going when this journey is over... & guess who will be waiting for us with open arms........ we talk often of our daughter, Weslee and will continue to forever!! I am still constantly overwelmed by the void I feel that she's not here... having Jesus Christ, Ben, Avery (our dog/child), and amazing family support gets me through each day.

I love you Ben and look forward to each and every anniversary we will share and the memories we will make along the way!!

xoxoxoxo

NCLEX - PASSED!!!

2010-07-16T18:40:00.003-05:00

CONGRATULATIONS to Ben for taking & passing the NCLEX on Wednesday!!! We are officially past our first obstacle on his career path. I had no doubts that he would pass the test but it's always nerve racking taking then waiting two days for the results...

Benny, I'm so proud of you (I know you're probably sick of me telling you that) but I honestly am so blessed to have such an amazing partner on this road called life. You've surprised me more in the past year with your faith, dedication, & determination to me & our family!! You've kept your head high & priorities in line. We've been through more in the past year 1/2 than most couples go through in their entire lives. I look forward to our future, including making you note cards, asking you questions, another couple graduations, adding to our family, & enjoying every day we have!! (of course it doesn't have to be in that order) LOVE YOU!!

4th of July!!

2010-07-16T18:11:00.009-05:00

So I know I'm a little (a lot) late on this post but I wanted to share some pictures from our fun day @ the Grant farm!! It's always wonderful to be able to get together with family, we don't do it near enough..

it got a little toasty so Laci decided to run through the sprinkler!!

watermelon!!

our cousins, Katie - Adam - Grant

Laci & blackjack

Wes, Hannah, & Ben

Katie & Jace who got engaged on the 4th!!!! They are getting married in December, and I am honored to be a bridesmaid!! Congratulations again you two!!

Megan always wants to ride on the 4-wheeler

Uncle Marc & Aunt Connie (dads sis)

mom & Amber

Wes & mammaw Grant

Hanny & Megan

Megan & I

Laci & Ethel (the goat)

the fam!!

papaw Grant

At the end of last year I told you all that my papaw Grant was diagnosed with stage IV lung CA. Here it is almost 8 months later & he's still giving it all he's got!! His biggest issues are his weight (which he's losing) & pain control. He's going to start with a pain doctor soon so we're hopeful that will alleviate some of his discomfort..

Thank you mammaw & papaw Grant for another wonderful gathering @ the farm, we're so blessed!!

close to home...

2010-07-09T20:17:00.002-05:00

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us - Ephesians 3:20

Wild River Country

2010-07-06T19:16:00.005-05:00

Monday since mom & I were both off we decided to go with Amber & the girls to Wild River Country. I must say, I can't remember the last time I had been.. I got a double work out.. since Amber's pregnant she can't ride any of the rides & mom refused to. This meant double duty for auntie!! We wanted to get there when it opened to try & get a few chairs.. we weren't the only ones with that idea. Honestly, it wasn't to crowded..

the diva's waiting to get in..

wait for it.....

got her!!

Megan

Laci

where's Laci??

found her!!

BIG sisters!!

We had a great time!!

Redneck.... maybe a little!!

2010-07-06T19:00:00.006-05:00

This past weekend we decided to break out the girls water slide in mom & dads back yard since it's flat. Needless to say it was a big hit!! The girls started playing around 11 and didn't deflate the slide until after 4!! Amber said, they got their money's worth in one day for sure!! I also must say the girls did not come inside once.. food was brought to them, they snacked on & off all day. We also got out the slip in slide which was a lot of fun!! We ate, laughed, threw water balloons, and got really wet!!

the slip-in-slide!!

Wes joined in on the fun!!

"No uncle Wes!!"

He was trying to be careful with his foot & he busted it!!

we all got a good laugh!!

Laci finishing off her front roll down the slide...

Wes & Meg filling up water balloons!!

watch out!!

"more water balloons!!"

Having a blast!!

Deal or Dud??

2010-07-02T21:02:00.004-05:00

So since we've had Avery the only down side I've found is her shedding.. of course it's worse right now with it being so hot outside. The problem with Avery is that she's never been to a groomer, she's a super clean dog and her hair is short. The few times she's been dirty, we've put her in the shower. A month or so ago Ben found a "ferminator" and bought it... I figured we'd wasted money and she would not let us get close to her with it. So after cutting her nails tonight we snuck it out.. to our surprise, she just laid there. I'm pretty sure we got off two more Avery's!!

the final product!!

"feels good!!"

"Are we done yet??"

it just kept coming & coming!!

it was a DEAL!!!

Uncle Ben!!

2010-07-02T19:31:00.004-05:00

The girls & uncle Benny - present

Laci & Ben - past!!

Ben has not been able to start working as a nurse yet because of all the paperwork that has to be done... therefore, he's had a ton of time off, which has been fun!! Today he took Laci to see Toy Story 3. Amber said she showered herself, picked out her own clothes, fixed her own hair, put on jewelry, and even found a purse to take. While Amber was getting ready for the day she said Laci told her not to worry that she would go wait for Ben at the door, she didn't need to go. Amber said, it was like her first date. (I was working today so I didn't get a picture of their date) It melts my heart that Ben took time out of his day to help make Laci a special memory!! He's going to be a fantastic father, I can't wait to see him with our children one day!! Until then (& always) we will spoil our nieces like crazy, including #3 due in November!!

Destin, FL 2010

2010-06-26T13:31:00.005-05:00

In the past week I've been to and from Destin, FL. We had a wonderful trip despite Wes not feeling 100% & Megan getting a fever virus & sinus infection. Wes is feeling 100% better after being put on some medicine that seems to be resolving his issues. Meg got an antibiotic called in and by the end of the week was back to her old self. So many people were giving us negative feedback regarding the beach.. we didn't care, we just wanted to get away, even if it was just a week. Worst case scenario, we'd eat at fun restaurants & shop more than usual!! It ended up being a beautiful week and we enjoyed all of the above plus the beautiful ocean and pool. The first few days the water was crystal clear, we soaked up a lot of fun in the sun!! Thursday we noticed a coast guard boat slowing drifting through the ocean.. upon further inspection we noticed some oil in the distance. It was a red color which is how we knew what it was.. There were also a few tar balls that washed on shore that day.. There were still people swimming and the sands were white as ever. By Friday there was no sign of oil or tar balls... Ben was not able to come with us because of school.. this is the last year that school should get in the way of vacation!!

Baby Views!!

2010-06-15T18:26:00.005-05:00

I was privileged to get to go with my sister to Baby Views today to find out the sex of baby #3.. we were anxiously awaiting the announcement & longing to hear everything was okay. It's a ........ GIRL!! Obviously we're shocked & excited it's another girl but even more thankful that she looked perfect in every way!!

still in shock it's another girl..

Laci is one proud big sister, holding the CD & pictures from today!!

this is the face I got when I asked the girls how they felt about a little sister..

proud mom & dad (Brad is still in shock)

Ben Mizell, honors

2010-06-15T17:47:00.005-05:00

Ben graduated LPN school on Thursday of this past week, June 10!! It seems like yesterday he had a change in career and we were planning his goals... I'm so proud of him & look forward to our next challenge; RN school starting in January. While he was in school I've mentioned he worked @ the ER on the weekends. Most, almost all ER's do not hire LPNs. The one Ben works @ does have a few spots but they're currently filled. He got the news last week that they're offering him a position there!! His ultimate goal is to become a nurse anesthetist, CRNA. (He does not tell people this when they ask because he's taking it one step @ a time) There are many criteria you have to meet before even applying to this school.. One obviously is being a RN but you also have to have 1+ year of critical care/ER experience.. They will count his upcoming ER experience as a LPN which will make his dream that much closer!! I'm proud of Ben and know he can do whatever he puts his mind to!! We are a great team & I'm glad we're on this ride in life together!!

Ben & I with his sis Katherine & Husband, Trent

Ben was lucky enough to have a great study/friendship group through school.. these guys became super close & we all got together after graduation & celebrated, we had a BLAST!!

Ben & his other half, Mark. He and his wife, Audra are moving to North Arkansas next weekend.. as much as we hate to see them go we're looking forward to having an excuse to go to NWA.

At the end of the ceremony they did the traditional lighting of the candle & passing it on... Ben's mom Mary Ann (who is a RN instructor) was able to light Ben's candle, it meant a lot to them both.

(a lot of the pictures turned out blurry due to 338273 cameras around me and the lighting wasn't great)

me & Mary Ann

Ben & I

Welcome Home Uncle Wes!!

2010-06-15T17:33:00.004-05:00

I'm late on this post but better late than never... Wes came home for the summer a few weeks ago. It's been wonderful having him here & not having to drive 9 hours to see him!! We decided to have Hannah's family over & surprise him when they arrived. Mom, dad, & Hanny did a great job keeping the surprise, he had no idea!!

Mom & dad pulled pretty much his whole apartment home.. Wes & Hanny followed.

We had more food than we knew what to do with. Mrs. Jodi even made homemade peach cobbler, YUMMM!!

Laci couldn't wait to hug her uncle Wessy!!

Amber & I were reliving our cheerleading days with a good ole run thru!!

Wes & Hanny

Please say a prayer for Wes as his foot is not healing the way it should... this makes his plans for next year tough.. He's been offered his scholarship back @ Georgia State which is amazing but if his foot doesn't heal he wont be ready when it's time to play.. he's seeing a specialist here who thinks he's now on the right track.. If we've learned anything this past year it's that what happens is out of our hands.. from our daughter Weslee going to Heaven, to our brother Wesley getting hurt in freakishly random circumstances.. We have FAITH and look forward to what the future holds for us all!!

We love you Beesh!!

makes me smile!!

2010-06-05T11:19:00.003-05:00

CHEEEESE take 5!!!!

got milk?

2010-06-05T11:10:00.004-05:00

"Hey girls, what are you looking at??"

(these pictures were taken in my parents back yard)

"Auntie, get up here, you've got to see this!!"

MOOOOOOO!!

That's right, cows & a lot of em!! When it rains a lot or in the morning & late afternoon the cows come right up to my parents fence & rest.. Megan thinks it's the coolest thing ever!!

my best friend, my husband

2010-05-28T20:10:00.004-05:00

For some reason tonight I just can't quit thinking about how lucky I am to have Ben as my partner in life. Don't get me wrong, I feel incredibly blessed everyday that I get to wake up next to him!! As many of you know, he had a career change earlier last year.. now I'm so proud to say he's about to graduate the first hurdle on his nursing adventure!! Ben not only goes to school 4 days a week, he works two of his weekend days to help us as a family make ends meet. That leaves him with one day off to sleep in, study, relax, catch up on shows, etc. I can honestly say that he does not complain!! Of course there's the occasional, "man I wish I didn't have to go to work" but that's it and he goes.. While juggling school and work he always makes time for me!! He is ALWAYS willing to cook dinner, help me clean (I'm pretty OCD & like things done the right way, I mean my way) I am one that has always kept my emotions to myself or wrote about them for no one to read.. I've been through a lot through the years that has made me have to lean on others. Although Ben does not like it when I cry he will always offer to listen or give me advice. This past year could have torn us apart, but we're closer than ever. For that Weslee, I am forever grateful baby girl!! Another issue I tend to get emotional about is fertility/infertility and all that goes with it. We learned first hand that we are not in control and it is not our plans, but Gods plan. I can say that I can let go and let God but that's so much easier said than done.. Please pray for me (& Ben) as we go forward every day and try to live according to His Will. We know that God has a special plan for us.. As I type this Ben is cooking us burgers on the grill & baked beans in the kitchen.. after working a 12 hours shift. I'm not saying that for you to praise him or say how lucky I am, I'm saying that because I'm so proud of the man he is!!

fun times

2010-05-15T14:47:00.004-05:00

Our family enjoys this time of year more than most.. we are outside 24/7, especially when the sun is out!!

I promise they were playing & laughing.. sisterly love

see, it started off innocent..

showing me her mad/sad face

Meg's ready position

front flip!!

my girls

2010-05-15T14:26:00.007-05:00

I always have my camera in my purse to try to capture pictures of family & friends.. here are some I've taken over the past few weeks.. I love these two girls!!

ready position

photo op

can't believe how big she's getting, so pretty!!

front flip

toe touch

handstand

goofy faces

blue eyed girl

beautiful!!

HESI = check!!

2010-05-14T21:10:00.004-05:00

Ben is almost finished with his first of many goals, LPN school!! Before you can graduate and take the NCLEX you have to take a test; HESI is what Baptist gives.. (the one I took was called ATI) You get three attempts to pass or else you're out. Guess who passed it on the first time?? Benny!!! I don't say enough how proud of him I am. He is super smart and tries so hard all the time!! He graduates June 10, I can't believe it's almost time!! He will have six months to work, make money, & gain experience before he starts the RN fast track program in January.. that'll be goal 2 on our journey.. I'll keep you updated on our master plan(s) as we go... I believe we're now on a 4-5 year path to reach his ultimate goal!!

Great job Ben!!

My First Mother's Day

2010-05-09T20:51:00.004-05:00

This is one of those holiday's that I've dreaded since Weslee went to Heaven. I must admit that the anticipation of the actual day(s) is always the worst. Saturday I was so proud to receive two mother's day cards in the mail!! Thank you to mammaw Grant & mom for making my first mother's day special!! Saturday morning I went with my mom & sister to a brunch the ladies had at our church. While waiting for everything to begin I checked my e-mail on my phone. I was not prepared for the e-mail I receieved from my mother-in-law, Mary Ann. Her words felt like she was wrapping her arms around me, she'll never know how much her words meant to me. When I woke up this morning and started my normal routine, I was surprised to see a rose and card sitting on the kitchen counter. Ben must've put it out after I went to bed.. the following is what it said: (for some reason I can't get it to rotate)

Amber had to leave church today because she wasn't feeling well.. this pregnancy has been hard on her, a lot of nausea and fatigue. Everyone is saying that since she had none of these symptoms with Laci & Megan that it's a boy. How fun would that be?? When I took the girls home after we ate lunch Amber had a card waiting on me.. it means so much to me that with her busy schedule, two crazy girls, being sick 24/7 she still took the time to make my day special.

Although this day brings sadness to a lot of people I am reminded of how truly blessed I am... I am very fortunate to have the support system that I do.

Happy Mother's day to my mom and MIL - Ben & I hope you know how much you mean to us!! Your love and support for us is unconditional, it means the world!!

words

2010-05-05T15:41:00.003-05:00

I've realized that every day comes with a new emotion for me.. I feel that I've been blessed with such a sweet peace about Weslee not being here. I must admit that I wish she was here with us more than anything!! I want to hold her, see who she looks like, all her firsts!! My grandmother asked my mom the other day if she thought Weslee wanted to be with us? To that I answer, of course not, she's in Heaven!!!!

Today while I was waiting for one of our cases to start I was sitting in the lounge like I do everyday.. A nurse, who I do know well walked in and started talking (loud) to the other nurses/scrub techs in the room. She found out she was pregnant a few weeks ago with her third child. I had heard the news earlier and was thrilled for her. I hadn't had a chance to talk to her about it yet... she continued to answer a lot of questions the girls had. She kept saying things like, "it was a total surprise, we weren't trying, I didn't want another one..." I know I'm more sensitive than most when it comes to getting pregnant, kids, etc. but, I wanted to yell out, BE SOO THANKFUL this has happened, what a miracle!! I can say that from a broken heart.. Until you've dealt with longing to be pregnant, the loss of a child, miscarriage, etc. you can't fully understand.. Please if you are pregnant or have children be careful what you say to friends & even more importantly strangers. While you're complaining of gaining weight, a growing belly, know that somewhere there's somebody longing for those things..(If she knew it upset me today she would be heartbroken, that was not her intention) My intentions are not for sympathy they're just words of wisdom if you will.. Ben and I know God has a special plan for us and our future!!

Until then... I have some very exciting news!! My best friend and sister, Amber is 11 weeks pregnant!!!! Some of you may not know or remember but at the end of last year she suffered a miscarriage which was devestating to us all. My mom jokingly said a few months ago that we just need a baby in the family!! The first thing people say to Amber when they hear she's pregnant is, "how's Sarah or is she mad?" Although I appreciate you thinking about me please know that this is a special time for her!! I told her to tell people that "Sarah is my #1 fan and couldn't be more excited about spoiling another niece or nephew!!" Amber, please enjoy this pregnancy, embrace it and don't worry about what anyone thinks!! Have I mentioned how proud I am to be Auntie again in Novemebr!!!

Go Laci!!

2010-04-24T11:03:00.004-05:00

We've been busy the last few weeks watching Laci play softball. This is her teams second year to play together and they're figuring out the game.

Amber and her girls

Megan's favorite part of the game.. concession stand!!

Laci down & ready with her game face on!!

Laci probably asking me for a hot dog during the game.. she's a multi tasker!!

Coach Brad & Amber

I'll end with a funny story about Laci.. at her last game Brad was out of town so Amber had to pitch. My phone rang and it said Amber iPhone on the screen.. I was confused because at the time Amber was on the field pitching. I figured she had lost her phone & someone had found it?? Oh no.. Laci was calling from the dug out, she wanted something to drink!!!

poor Wes

2010-04-09T20:57:00.003-05:00

In my last post I wrote about Wes's eventful weekend in Maryland.. today he was having some sharp pains in his foot/leg and his toes were swollen more than normal. The team doctor met them @ her office tonight. They took the cast off to find his foot abnormally red.. they ruled out a blood clot and decided it was a superficial infection.. she thinks it may some how be related to his mouth, when he got it busted open the weekend before. They put him on a very strong antibiotic, air cast, and put him on bed rest, for his foot to be elevated. He goes back on Monday to get it x-rayed to make sure progress in the right direction is being made. My heart breaks for him, we all want to get on a plane & love on him. Please pray this gets under control with the medicine and he does not go crazy being stuck in his apartment, alone. This may very well set him back on his recovery progress.. he's got a great attitude & already started working out his upper body!!

We're so proud of you uncle Wes!!

my brother, Wesley's eventful weekend

2010-04-05T20:14:00.010-05:00

This past weekend my brother & his team played in Maryland. (Wes plays for the Georgia State Panthers in Atlanta, a D1 baseball team) On Friday night while they were taking batting practice before the game Wes was shagging balls as usual since he's a pitcher. He was behind the outfield fence getting balls when the guys yelled his name.. when he looked up it was too late & the ball hit him smack in the mouth!! This collision ended with a trip to the ER and four stitches in his mouth.. thankfully no teeth were knocked out, just sore..

He was planning on pitching Saturday with the bum mouth and all.. it didn't exactly go as planned. Again, during batting practice he was taking abunch of balls to the coach pitching. Wes was sure to watch the batter to make sure he didn't get hit again... You guessed it, a line drive came right at him, he jumped up & around to avoid the ball but it hit him. If only that was it.. when he landed he heard/felt his ankle pop. Off to the ER he went, this time he didn't get off as easy. After x-rays he was told it was broken, a bone in his right ankle. (the foot he lands on when pitching) He was put in a soft cast and finished out the weekend in Maryland awaiting the trip back to Atlanta to see an ortho doctor.

The team flew to Maryland so he was shuttled around the airport in this....

After seeing the doctor today in Atlanta and being put in a hard cast, he was told his season was pretty much done. When you add up the time in the cast, plus time in a boot, then strengthening his ankle again... it puts a dark cloud over the remainder of this season.

My heart breaks for him.. he's worked for 4 years to get where he's at now. My dad and I were talking earlier & he compared it to an Olympic athlete that trains and trains then has one injury that sidelines him/her. Such a disappointment, such a helpless feeling.. Wes will be okay whatever he decides to do after this year. He has one year of eligibility left if he continues his dream!!

Please pray that he has a peace about what steps to take next. Also pray for his sanity, he can't drive & has to depend on the MARTA railway system to get to class. So many little things he'll have to overcome.. Thankfully dad, mom, Hannah, Amber, and the girls were already planning to go to Atlanta next weekend!! Nothing makes you feel better than family, especially when you're the Griswalds!!

We love you Wes and are so proud of you!!

Easter @ the Grant Farm!!

2010-04-03T18:48:00.006-05:00

This afternoon we went to my grandparents farm to eat lunch & let the kiddos hunt Easter eggs. We were able to see some family that doesn't get to come to Arkansas that often. They have three girls, one Laci's age and twins that are Megan's age.. it was fun watching them interact.

I have to share a story with you.. Amber is going to kill me for putting this on here but I think it's worth having written documentation. The kids, their moms, Aunt Connie, Uncle Marc, Adam, & mammaw walked down to the creek.. Laci wanted to ride the 4-wheeler so I took her on that.. As soon as I turned it on she said, "they're going to be pissed we're on here." GASP?? Yea, me too!! I turned the 4-wheeler off, trying to hold my laughter and asked her what she said.. she repeated it with a giggle, she knew it was inappropriate!! I asked her where she heard that word, she said me.. I must admit they learn a lot of "words" from Auntie but that's not my favorite.. I said, no for real Laci and she said, "mom!" The point of this story.. kids listen and hear everything!! Did I mention Laci is 5??? (I hope this story doesn't offend anyone, it's just raw honesty) Kids say the darndest things!!

We had a wonderful time and look forward to more of this beautiful weather and making memories @ the farm!!

Amber & her girls

Megan in the creek

Laci Kyle

the girls playing in the creek, they loved it!! Laci said once or twice that we should've brought our swimsuits..

Laci with her Easter eggs & basket mammaw Grant got her!!

& Megan with hers!!

the girls with some of their cousins waiting to go find Easter eggs!!

Laci & Ethel (trying to get her with her horns)

Laci & Meg on the 4-wheeler

Megan was soo sleepy by the time we left.. she was giggling in her sleep!!

Thank you mammaw & papaw Grant for everything, we love you so much!!

Loving Life!!

2010-04-01T20:21:00.005-05:00

Ben and I have really been enjoying this nice weather. We've spent almost each night this week grilling out, listening to baseball, and playing with Avery in the yard.. this is one of my favorite times of the year for all of the above reasons!!

I've also been busy watching Laci play softball a couple nights a week. She is too funny and really good!! I must admit that I look forward to the nights she plays.. Next year will be even better because Megan will be old enough to play too, watch out world!!

Since coming back from spring break Ben is officially in his senior semester of nursing school!! YAY, we are all soooo proud of him!! Have I mentioned that he's on the honor roll?!!

Ben and I have started watching the new show Parenthood, it's AWESOME!! I have also always been a huge fan of American Idol.. I must admit this year it's letting me down. There are no wow performers, but I continue to DVR & watch.

We are taking advantage of this time together, just the two (three including Avery) of us!! We still talk daily about Weslee and our feelings. For some reason the past couple weeks have been extra emotional for me. I can't pinpoint any specific reason, I just cry @ the smallest things. Don't get me wrong, I don't sit & cry to Ben, in fact when we talk about her it's always uplifting conversations. I mostly get emotional with certain songs, sermons, peoples comments... need I go on?? I have a feeling I'll be like this, well forever??

I look forward to what this year brings, honestly I have a feeling it's going to be a great year!! I can say that with so much more faith than I ever thought I could have. We learned last year to let go & let God, that's what we're doing and look forward to seeing what His plan is for us!!

more birthday!!

2010-03-27T22:20:00.004-05:00

A few nights ago my sis, Brad, Laci, & mom went to eat @ Sakura for Ben's birthday. It is one of our favorite places to eat close to home!! They jokingly told them that it was Ben's birthday, no one thought they'd actually do anything about it... WRONG!! Ben told me not to put the pics with the hat on here.. whoops!

Memories!!

mom & Laci

birthday boy & bird

Laci and I

Amber & Brad

me & the birthday boy

Longing

2010-03-26T17:39:00.004-05:00

For some reason the past couple days I've found myself longing to hold Weslee... I can't explain why these thoughts are so vivid right now?? Most days I do great, I find myself thinking of our daughter being in Heaven surrounded by perfection!! That's most days.. I still have the ones like today that my heart literally aches.. I want her here with us, experiencing how much her family loves her!! I want to hold her, sing to her, rock her, I want, I want, I want... I could go on forever!! I now more than ever wonder what our future holds. I do not question God's will but I do wonder the ups and downs to come.. I never imagined the road we traveled and continue to travel daily. I do not want to miss anything from this experience. I want to be a better person & possibly help others who go through similar situations. My emotions are all over the place and have been for a few days.. I read blogs of friends who are pregnant, struggle with infertility, have lost a child, have a sick family member.. By doing this it's probably like watching a lifetime movie I realize!! I can relate to each blog in some way... pregnancy, I long for; infertility, we struggled with; lost a child, we did; family member who's sick, that's us too!! (I'm not writing for sympathy, I write as an outlet of my emotions) Saying all that, I do find something in my everyday life that makes me smile, makes me so glad to be me!! I am surrounded by family & friends that would do anything for me.. I have an amazing job & work with so many different people!! My husband is literally my best friend, & my dog thinks I'm the best thing in the world!!

Where is this post going?? Great question..

Just know that whatever you're dealing with in life, you're not alone!! I consider myself very fortunate, I may have gone through one of the hardest trials of my life but I know where I'll end up when this runs over.

Mommy.

Happy 30th Birthday to Ben!!

2010-03-21T20:34:00.006-05:00

Happy Birthday Ben!! Today Ben turns 30, I cannot believe it & neither can he... he says he feels old but I'm pretty sure he's just saying that?! He was flooded with cards from friends & family members, if you were one that sent one thank you so much!! Since he's in school & our budget is tight these days we didn't do anything over the top.. we celebrated tonight with his immediate family.. it was a double birthday party for him & Trent, our brother-in-law. We had a great time and ate way too much as always!! We're planning on going out to eat with my fam one night this week..

Ben - I know I tell you all the time how much I love you but I hope you know how much I mean it!! I never imagined that we would go through losing a child together.. I only envisioned the happy times of bringing one home, taking care of him/her together, I could go on and on.. Instead God chose our daughter earlier than we planned, no one could've prepared me for the deep impact that has had on my life. I couldn't of asked for a stronger, more supportive partner to of gone through that with. Our love is now deeper and stronger than ever, I can't wait to grow old with you and see what plans God has for us!!

the dinner table Mary Ann set up, perfect!!

again...

Katherine brought these yummy cheese cake bites for dessert!!

the birthday boy & me

Avery likes to think she's 20lbs & sit in my lap.. pitiful

Trent & Katherine (Happy early birthday Trent, his is on the 29th)

Avery passed out after playing with all of her cousins

Mary Ann, Avery & myself on the couch

It looks like Avery has a spot @ the table.. that's just her sitting on her booty, she's a big girl!!

Phil is usually the one taking pictures so we made sure he got in one!!

this one is minus Phil, plus Trent!!

Our family!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEN!!

weekend with Wes!!

2010-03-21T20:11:00.008-05:00

Wes preparing to pitch with Dave, his roomy by his side

Wes warming up

Megan posing

mom & dad

Amber & I

the girls

plus Dave, Wes's roomy

twinkies = nerds

the Bohannan's - Megan being, well Megan

go figure, Megan has food in her hand..

Wesley Clay

Megan being Megan!!

the girls

the other girls showing off their Panthers baseball shirts!!

It's amazing how much Megan can eat, she's a monster!!

roadtrip to Clarksville, TN

2010-03-21T13:34:00.004-05:00

**for some reason the blog wont let me download anymore pictures right now, I'll try again later**

Friday morning we left for Carksville, TN to see & watch Wes play.. they played Friday night & had a double header Saturday. The weather was great, we were so thankful for that!! It's always great seeing uncle Wes, & the memories we make on the trips are priceless!! One of the coaches had told dad that Wes was going to start either Tuesday or Wednesday of this week.. therefore, we didn't expect him to pitch this weekend. We are fine with that, we love baseball anyways & enjoy just seeing Wes. The third game they went through a number of pitchers.. they ended up warming Wes up for .2 seconds & put him in.. he did GREAT!! The coach made the comment after the game that he should've put him in earlier, we're so proud!! There was a little drama when Wes was pitching.. The umpires were terrible & had made a TERRIBLE call earlier in the game that they knew was not right. Then, the other teams coach tried to pull a fast one by letting a previous pitcher, who he pulled earlier in the game, bat.. our coach noticed what had happened & spoke with the umpire about it.. their coach literally ran out of the dug out & starting cussing... he knew he was in the wrong is the weirdest part?? They ended up sending the guy back to the dug out & calling him out.. (after much debating between the two not so smart umpires) As their coach walked back to the dug out he continued to cuss LOUD!! I was sitting on the opposite side of the field & could hear every syllable. Those of you that know me know I have trouble holding my tongue when I feel the urge to give my opinion :) Before I knew it, I yelled (loud), "watch your mouth, there are kids around" (Megan who is 3 was sitting in my lap)... I did not hear the coach say anything back to me, why would he right?? The next thing I see/hear is Wes charging from the mound towards their coach saying, "you do not talk to a lady or my sister like that!!" My heart rate immediately shot up, as did every ones in the stadium!! About that time Wes's coach is telling him to get back on the mound & Brad my brother in law is headed to their dug out.. he thought Amber had made the comment I did & was telling that coach (in a nice way I'm certain) to not talk to his wife like that... (even though it was me - ha) Brad & the coach had words & the teams were ready to rumble!! There were two outs @ this time & Wes proceeded to throw three strikes in a row to get the last batter out!! He had some major adrenaline going, he ran to the dug out & continued running around the right field line!! He needed to get that adrenaline out - haha Hannah & Amber were so confused this whole time because they were sitting off to the side under a tree... they had no idea what was being said!! The next thing we notice are two police women walking in the stadium, really??? Of course I would not of said anything if I knew what was going to transpire after my comment... the coach should of known better than cursing so loud & acting a fool & he for sure should of known better than to yell back at a fan.. you just don't do that!! I am not proud of what my comment produced but I am extremely proud of my brother & brother in law for standing up for me!! What's funny is I am not at all a confrontational person, whoops :)

I hope to get the rest of the pics up soon!!

Great job Wes & the Georgia State Panthers!!

road trip cont'd...

2010-03-21T13:16:00.007-05:00

Better safe than sorry when breaking the law, thanks Hannah for buckling Meg in with you!! She had been in that car seat for far to long...

Laci decided to "fix" Hannah's hair during the Friday night game..

The game was not so exciting Friday night, we were getting restless..

Between each batter & inning they would play music, leave it to Megan to dance it up!!

Avery & her new friend, Persey

2010-03-21T12:58:00.006-05:00

Getting ready for Spring includes cleaning out Avery's pool & putting fresh water in it!! She loves this pool, not only does she drink out of it but after she runs a few laps or we go on walks, she plays in it!! She seems to of stopped growing tall but is starting to grow outwards.. mom says her head is getting bigger?? You can judge for yourself with the picture of her & Ben on the couch... pitiful!!

Avery's had a new friend to play with for the past couple days.. my boss & his family went skiing for spring break so Persey, their cocker is staying with us. He is the cutest pup I've ever seen!! He looks like a pompom, so fluffy!! Avery & Persey have really warmed up to each other.. poor Av think she's the same size so she tends to get a little rough when playing. You're probably wondering where Persey sleeps since Avery sleeps in our bed.. you guessed right, Persey is right there with us!! She tends to wonder all over the bed but she's so small compared to Avery we don't even realize she's there. I told Dr. Love that we may not give Persey back when it's time, he's growing on us!! (The top picture is of my mom, Charlie (Amber's dog) and Persey)

who's ready for SPRING??

2010-03-21T12:49:00.004-05:00

WE ARE!!

Ben was on spring break last week & it was beautiful outside for the majority of the time. I got off extra early one day so we decided to buy some mulch & get our yard ready for spring. Man oh man did it end up taking ALL DAY!! I am not complaining because I LOVE working outside in the yard. We eneded up buying & using 24 bags of mulch, two trips to home depot, & mowing the front & back yard.. It's times like these that make memories!!