Held

On the way to Atlanta mom, Mrs. Jodi, & Hannah listened to a lot of music!! One of the Cd's they had was Natalie Grant. Mrs. Jodi let me borrow the CD to listen to a specific song... Held

Two months is too little. They let him go. They had no sudden healing. To think that providence would take a child from his mother while she prays is appalling.

Who told us we'd be rescued? What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares? We're asking why this happens to us who have died to live? It's unfair.

This is what it means to be held. How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life. And you survive. This is what it is to be loved. And to know that the promise was when everything fell we'd be held.

This hand is bitterness. We want to taste it, let the hatred know our sorrow. The wise hands opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow.

This is what it means to be held. How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life. And you survive. This is what it is to be loved. And to know that the promise was when everything fell we'd be held.

If hope is born of suffering. If this is only the beginning. When everything fell we'd be held.

This is what it means to be held. How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life. And you survive. This is what it is to be loved. And to know that she promise was when everything fell we'd be held.

Oh how I needed to hear this song, thank you Mrs. Jodi & Hannah!!

I know that I'm extra sensitive right now because Weslee's actual due date is right around the corner. It seems in my every day life I see or hear something that makes me cry. On Thursday when I was pulling into the parking lot @ work I noticed the helicopter landing. Our office is on the third floor, you can see the helicopter pad from the hallway. Being the nosey/observant person I am I went straight to see what was going on. (In the almost three years I've been working in NLR I've never seen the helicopter land @ the hospital) After a few minutes of waiting they pulled an incubator off the chopper. I immediately lost it thinking of a sick baby & the family that has to let them go. After lunch I heard another helicopter coming in.. so what do I do?? Head straight down the hall to see what in the world another one was doing landing in the same day?? It was another incubator.... my heart hurt/hurts so bad thinking about those precious babies & their families!! Today we had a case @ big Baptist... I walked in the main entrance & passed a couple taking their brand new baby home!! I wanted to go up to them and tell them how happy I was for them!! It's amazing what I took for granted before losing Weslee.

Next week Ben has to do his OB clinicals... he will be @ big Baptist where we delivered Weslee. What's so ironic is that instead of being on his clinical rotation @ that time we should be delivering our daughter!! Please pray a special prayer for him as he'll be dealing with a lot of different emotions. He continues to be my rock & we talk about Weslee & our future a lot!!

I feel like I'm constantly sad or a debbie downer in my posts.. please understand that for me journaling is healing, always has been. Thank you to those who continue to pray & send us kind words, it means the world!!

**after proofreading this post I noticed I said, we "should" be delivering Weslee.. that's our plans, not Gods... I have to remind myself that He has a bigger plan for us all, He has a plan & purpose for everything He does!! I'm honored to tell our story and tell anyone who will listen about our daughter being in Heaven!!