one year ago today...

It's amazing how quickly time goes by.. one year ago today the following pictures and memories were made. Ben and I were surrounded by immediate family as our daughter, Weslee Faith Mizell was stillborn @ 20 weeks (5 months.)

We were amazed at how she looked @ just 20 weeks in my belly.. we could tell she already had facial features like her dad and long legs like her mom.


I loved watching Ben hold, caress, &; just stare at Weslee..


I cried, laughed, kissed, and talked as I held her for the first time.. to some I know this may seem crazy (because her sweet spirit was already in Heaven) but for us it was closure..

Once our families had gone home we had a few hours alone with Weslee and each other.. I must admit I spent some of that time crying to God asking why I had to go through such a painful (phsycially & emotionally) time.. not only did we not get to know our daughter on this earth, I had to endure childbirth and all that goes with it.. that was me being selfish!! Ben and I also spent time thanking God for allowing us to have the time we did with her.. it's a weird place to be, never did we imagine we'd be put in the situation we were. It makes it 10x harder when you know you've done everything by the textbook, what went wrong, what did I do?? The medical field has no reason why some babies are anencephalic?? So you can imagine the questions Ben and I had and continue to have..


I've been very open about our struggle with infertility.. When we got the okay from my doctor to start "trying" again we did. We were ready!! I thought to myself, surely after what we went through I will get pregnant easy and have another baby in 9 months to help with this void in my heart and soul... boy was I wrong!! We used a wonderful fertility doctor in Little Rock (I'd be happy to give you his info if you're interested) who held our hands through each poke and procedure. Without getting into all the details of the tests, we were basically told that my L fallopian tube was blocked and my ovaries were very small for my age. Dr. B said that years ago, a woman my age & with the issues above they would go straight to IVF (in vitro fertilization.) Before we started that I had a surgery to see if they could unblock the L tube, if not they were to remove it. I've had a long history of endometriosis and come to find out that's what was blocking my tube. During that surgery a retractor slipped & my cervix was torn. We were not to "try" to have a baby for two weeks and I had to be careful in my every day activities. A side note, I had surgery on a Wednesday and my papaw Grant went into hospice the following week and went to be with Jesus on Friday.. talk about a heavy load!! The plan after surgery was to wait on mother nature and then start with fertility drugs.. after waiting weeks I was concerned something wasn't right.. My concern turned to terror as I took and had a positive pregnancy test!! Yes, you read that right, a positive pregnancy test. Some time after surgery & the two week waiting period Ben and I convieved the baby in my belly now!! I am currently 12 weeks pregnant :) I have been super hesitent to say anything to anyone.. Immediate family knew right away beecause I needed their support and prayers. I did not want to tell the world until I saw a whole, healthy baby. We're being treated like celebrities @ my new OB doctor, getting ultrasounds every three weeks & even more if I need some reassurance!! I was fine not telling anyone until I couldn't hide it anymore.. but we were assured at my latest appointment that the baby was perfect right now and we saw a whole body and perfect head!!! All we can say about this is that it's a God thing.. we were told by the fertility specialist that drugs were our only way to conceive remember?? So please, all of you that are struggling with infertility please don't give up!!!! I am proof that you can defy the odds and God does work miracles!! Our little miracle is due around May 12!!

Today has been a bitter sweet day, Heaven is rejoicing the birthay of our Weslee!! I picture her being rocked and sung to by papaw Grant, then I see her running through fields of flowers, skipping and running around!! One day we will be with her and we will have no questions, no worries, pure bliss!!