2010 comes to an end...

I have a few hours to get this post completed before the new year.. I can't believe it's almost 2011, where has the time gone?? When I think back to what all this year has brought to my family, I find myself thinking... random word choice I know but to be honest our lives have been filled with so many ups and downs I have to stop and take a deep breath!! We were thrilled to find out my sister, Amber was pregnant at the beginning of the year, had a wonderful beach vacation, Ben finished LPN school, becoming pregnant with baby #2, papaw Grant battling cancer, Ben getting accepted to RN school, learning our baby's heart stopped beating for no reason, surgery, papaw Grant going to Heaven, the birth of my healthy beautiful niece Brynn, a get away to Christmas shop, topped off with spending CHRISTmas with both sides of our families!! Those are the highlights, the ones that had the biggest impact on my year. I've said many times and I'll say it again.. we've learned from each situation, the good and the bad!! I've had many people tell me, next year will be better... I know this is meant as an encouragement but my first thought (which I keep to myself) is, "yea that's what we were told in 2009 too when we lost Weslee." If you know me personally that wont surprise you.. my mouth filter doesn't function properly :) BUT that's my first thought, I do not really go into each year discouraged or wondering, what now?? It would be very easy to do so but I can't help but to be hopeful and look forward to each experience that lies ahead for us!! My #1 goal (wish) for 2011 would be to welcome a healthy baby into this world of our own or I'll settle with just being pregnant :) I know that wish is beyond our control, but without faith and thinking positively how could we keep going?? A goal that is however in my control is to lose weight.. Ben set his mind to losing weight back in August and to date he's lost 30lbs!! He started running every day and watching what he ate and how much. I must admit I was even working out for a while... (nothing like him though) but after we lost this baby we both slacked off. He has kept his weight off and looks great, me on the other hand.. I've probably got 10-15lbs of extra poundage that I need to lose. I wear scrubs every day which to some seems like a dream. Well, to be honest it really is!! The down side is when you go home, put on dress up clothes, nothing fits properly & you feel large and in charge!! To me, that's one of the worst feelings EVER!!!! So what do I do.. put on sweats :) my family thinks its hilarious how comfortable I am in sweats and that I don't mind sporting them in public. With all that being said, I am going to lose weight as my new years resolution!! I'm not one to care what the scale says, I want to be happy when I look in the mirror and put on clothes. Pretty original I know but that's my plan and I'm sticking to it!!

I love my life and wouldn't trade it for anything!! I have a family that loves me and my many flaws unconditionally and a support system that keeps me accountable!! I look forward to 2011 and the new memories that it will bring!!

getting big!!

Megan & Avery now...



then...


It's obvious we obnoxiously love our nieces & think they're the best thing since sliced bread... sadly, we feel the same way about our child, I mean dog Avery!!

WNBA future??

This is Laci's first year to play basketball and she is loving it!! It's so funny watching them play at this age, they have no idea what's going on!!

Brad, Laci's dad is the coach!!


getting to her position...


pep talk!!


game time!!


I still can't believe Laci is old enough to play basketball on a team but I look forward to the many, many, many games I will atend to watch her!!

Sometimes I Cry

When I was having one of those days where I could barely talk to someone without crying a good friend sent me this song & told me to listen to the lyrics..

Sometimes I Cry - Jason Crabb

I look the part
blend in with the rest of the church crowd
I know the routine
I could list all the bible studies in town
watch christian TV
I know all the preachers...their cliches
been born again, without a doubt I know I'm saved

But sometimes I hurt and sometimes I cry
sometimes I can't get it right
no matter how hard I seem to try
sometimes I fall down
stumble over my own disguise
I try to look strong
as the whole world looks on
but sometimes alone I cry

I try to speak faith
never give the devil one inch to get in
I do worship and praise
let everybody know just where that I stand
on the back of my ride is a fish and a cross
for the world to see
I know God is good, all of the time
yes there's no doubt for me

But sometimes I hurt and sometimes I cry
sometimes I can't get it right
no matter how hard I seem to try
sometimes I fall down
stumble over my own disguise
I try to look strong
as the whole world looks on
but sometimes alone I cry

Sometimes I fall down
stumble over my own disguise
I try to look strong as the whole world looks on
but sometimes alone I cry

I try to look strong as the whole world looks on
but sometimes alone I cry

Merry Christmas 2010

Merry CHRISTmas to you all, God Bless Ben & Sarah!!



My sister snapped this picture for us after church today.. she also took some awesome ones of the girls, you should go to her blog & have a look!!

She also mentioned that we should make this picture a Christmas card & send them out.. to be honest, I thought about it for a second but then decided I wasn't ready. I know, we lost Weslee in 2009 but something still feels and probably always will feel missing..

Merry Christmas to you all - please remember the real reason for the season - Christ!!

Brynn

Brynn has been such a wonderful baby and so fun to love on the past few weeks.. hard to believe on Monday she will already be 3 weeks old!!

her favorite thing is to sleep with her hands above her head or on her face.. precious!!


Brynn and her nonny (my mom)


sleeping beauty!!


I can't tell you how much Brynn has filled a void in my heart!! Of course I have a special place for both babies we've lost and place(s) for the children we long for.. God knows what we need and when we need it, Ben and I continue to learn patience and understanding daily.

a first for Laci...

Laci had a big first last week... she lost her first tooth!! She had been wiggling the dang tooth for weeks & finally one of her teachers pulled it for her. Needless to say she was so proud, as are we!!

Happy 4th Birthday Megan!!

On December 7 Megan Lynn Bohannan celebrated her 4th birthday!! Where has the time gone, it seems like yesterday we were waiting on her to get here... She had a party with her friends at a local jumping place the Saturday before her actual birthday. Ben and I were in Branson so we were unable to attend :( On her actual birthday we had a small get together at their house. Mammaw & papaw Caple and aunt Brenda (moms parents & sister) were able to stop by.

mom, Orene (mammaw) Doc (papaw) & Brenda


Orene with Brynn


One of the many gifts Megan got was a home pedicure kit.. Auntie has spoiled the girls with going to get their nails done so what better gift!!


Brad took Laci and Meg to see Tangled a week ago.. she got a Tangled bath time fun kit.


New attire


The girls giving each other pedicures!!


Just blew out the candles & now enjoying their favorite part... licking the candles!!


The new Shrek movie - I'm not sure who loves the movies more us or the girls!!


Happy Birthday cake!!


The birthday girl!!


Megan is loved more than she knows and got some wonderful presents from friends and family!!

In memory...

Ben and I got home from Branson Sunday afternoon.. I was hoping we would be home before four o'clock because at Ballard Funeral Home they had a memorial service for those that have passed away this year. I wanted to be there to honor my papaw Grant.. It was neat to look around the room and know we were in the company of others that were honoring ones they loved and lost. What I wasn't prepared for were the emotions that took over me. There was a speaker that did an amazing job, I wish I had what he said on video.. I felt like he was talking directly to me with everything that we've been through. I tried to push my emotions and the lump in my throat away, far far away!! There was also a solo that was beautiful.. That solo was followed by a lighting ceremony that was very touching. As each candle was lit we were told to say the name of the one(s) we were honoring. I must admit I haven't said "papaw Grant" aloud since he went to be with Jesus. It was much harder than I anticipated.. at the same time I was so proud to say his name and pass the light on!! When all the candles were lit they played a song.. I can't tell you what song because at that point I lost it!! I was overwhelmed with emtions.. all those feelings I was pushing away in the beginning came out, in full force!! I actually had to get up and walk out.. I couldn't handle it, I didn't want to go back to that place. That place being, what we no longer have with us!! I am not one to show my emtions much to anyone, especially in public. I'm not a poker player but if I was I "bet" I'd have a great face!! It's not a pride thing, I can't explain why I'm the way I am.. I find I try to be tough for those around me, to let them know I'm okay?! Ballard did such an amazing job at putting together a service that was so special for those that have lost loved ones. This holiday season is a first of many get togethers without our beloved papaw Grant.. Thanksgiving was bitter sweet, we lit papaw's burn barrell and enjoyed just being together!! Papaw told his doctors and nurses that he had too much to live for to be sick.. I know that he's looking down on us, proud of his newest great granddaughter Brynn, looking forwad to the wedding of Katie & Jace, & seeing us be together as a family!!

I've been struggling lately with a lot of questions for God.. It took me a while to talk to him (as silly as that sounds) after losing this baby. I'm reading and reseaching many aspects of prayer.. I could write a book on all the questions I have. It's amazing what your mind does to you when you go through turmoil. I've said many times before that there have been positives come out of our trials. I think, what if we wouldn't of gone through these heartaches, what if everything would of been easy... would I of ever learned the lessons I have thus far?? My faith has and continues to be tested like never before!! I have questions that I'm ashamed to ask because it sounds as though I question my faith. I am a OCD person and need to know the why's of everything!!! I'm fortunate to have my dad and be able to bounce questions off of him.. he's recently given me a book to read that I'm praying will answer many of my nagging questions about prayer, God, & the future. Pleae pray for Ben and I as we continue every day and look for God's purpose in our lives..

Branson 2010

For the past 3 years Bens parents have taken us, his sister & her husband to Branson around Christmas. It's always such a nice escape and we needed it this year more than ever!! Ben had not been on a trip since our Branson trip last year.. with school and work, he's been stuck at home.

Trent, Katherine, Ben, me (a few of these pictures are blurry, I'm hoping his parents pictures turned out better than mine)


Ben and I (brrr)


On his parents balcony.. we always stay @ Branson Landing which is so nice to be able to walk out the door & have shopping right there!!


my handsome baby daddy & hubby!!


We were so thankful the sun was out on Saturday which made the wind chill not sting as bad..


Thank you Mary Ann and Phil for another wonderful, memorable trip!!