3 years

It's hard to believe it's been three years since we said hello and goodbye to our first born daughter, Weslee.. if you've followed my blog you know our story.  For those that are new I'll give a brief overview: Ben and I tried to get pregnant for six months when we finally got a positive pregnancy test; we were elated!!  We went in at 8 weeks and heard a strong heart beat.. at this appointment they also did an ultrasound.  We went in again at 12 weeks and 16 weeks to hear a beautiful heartbeat!!  We were so excited about our 20 week appointment and finding out the sex of the baby.  During the ultrasound we found out we were having a girl but the tech continued to look at the scan for what seemed like forever.. to make matters worse it was a student doing the ultrasound.. bless her heart, I don't think she had any idea what she was looking at.  She was very professional as she stepped aside to let the seasoned tech continue to scan.  I knew something wasn't right when the doctor came in and stood on the opposite side of the scanner.  He then put his hand on my leg which is a terrible feeling.. almost like an I'm sorry without saying anything.  I asked him if he would talk out loud and he asked if I would give him a minute.  After a short time (again felt like forever) he said something is not right, the head is not formed.. I'll meet you in my office to talk.  A lot was said but long story short, our daughter was anencephalic.  Being medical, I started thinking of all the flaps that could be done, how we could "fix" this.  I was finally told that she would not live outside of my body, zero percent.  We saw a specialist the next day that confirmed the diagnosis.. by this time I had googled anencephalic and learned exactly what it was.. there are different degrees of this diagnosis and Weslee's was an extreme case.  Our daughter, who we named Weslee Faith Mizell was stillborn on October 24, 2009.  Nothing could have prepared us for the emotions that came with going through natural childbirth for the first time and leaving the hospital empty handed.  We were surrounded by our families throughout the whole process which was a huge comfort.  It was a bittersweet day and still feels as real today as it did three years ago!!  I try to use our story as a testimony to witness to others.. I feel we are a success story, Ben and I kept our faith and love each other more today than we did when we said I do in 2007. 

We did try to get pregnant again and went through hell.. I don't have the energy to go through those years but we now have our miracle baby that specialists said we would never have on our own..

I'm sitting here watching our Charlee (boogie as I call her) sleep and am thanking God for his perfect plan.  We love and cherish her more than she'll ever know. 

October 24 will always be Weslee's day, we are so proud to talk openly about her.. we will forever cherish the few hours we got to spend with her physical body. 

God is good

 Finally, a positive pregnancy test!!

 Around 20 weeks..

 This is the outfit my sister dressed Weslee in once she was born..

 This is Weslee's wall in our home, we can't wait to tell Charlee about her big sister!!

 Holding her for the first time..

 the tiny hat that she wore..

 Ben and I checking out every little thing about her..

 her perfect foot

 Ben holding Weslee for the first time..

 

These are some of the memories from that day in pictures.. we have so many that to some would be too much but to us are pure bliss!!

 

life.

So much has happened in the 8 weeks since we've had Charlee.. 8 weeks, I can't believe it's already been two months.  I said I would start blogging again but you can see how that's gone.  I underestimated how tired I would be being a full time mom and having a full time job.  I wouldn't have it any other way.. ok if I could stay at home I totally would but we're not at a place in our lives where I can do that.  Thankfully Ben works three 12 hour shifts which leaves four days a week where he can keep her.  I'm beyond thankful he's willing and able to do this, not many men would.. Charlee is an amazing baby, she whimpers when she's hungry or needs to be changed and that's it.  She smiles and coos constantly, it melts our hearts!!  She's changed so much in appearance, we still don't know who she looks like but she definitely has some chunky cheeks that are so fun to smooch!! 
I still find myself looking at her and pinching myself that she's ours, she's here, and she's healthy.. I will never forget where we started, it makes us appreciate her so much more!! 

The princess is waking up so here are a few pictures that were taken a week or so after she was born.. (Rachel Vanhook took these)

 

We are living the dream!!