HAPPY BIRTHDAY BBB!!

 On November 22, Brynn Bradley Bohannan turned 1!!!  That night our immediate family got together at my mom & dads for a little celebration. 

 She wasn't sure what was going on but was smiling the whole time and loving all the attention, especially our party hats!!

 Brynn and her nonny

 her "cake" (cup cakes) made by Hannah, Wesley's girlfriend or our good friend ha however you want to look at it.. she did a fantastic job, we hated to eat it!!

 Hannah also made two mini owl for Laci and Megan

 Why are you all wearing hats, singing off key, & taking pictures non stop of me??!!

 yumm, this girl has always loved icing.. just like her mom & nonny

 she didn't leave much behind..

 Amber & her three beautiful daughters!!  Laci - 7 Megan - 4 Brynn - 1

 Laci is all about making signs but I had to get a picture of the wreath my sis made for moms door, she's so creative.. her and Hanny have been making them for others!!

 courtesy of Laci.. of course she put rules on there!!

 the birthday girl!!

pre-game toddy!!

Brynn came into our family at a time when we needed her the most.. after some devastating losses for myself and our family she was a breath of fresh air.  She, like Laci and Megan do something for my heart and soul that I can't put into words!!

Happy Birthday BBB, auntie and uncle Benny love you more than you'll ever know!!

celebrating

Where has the time gone, tomorrow I will be 27!!  When people ask me how old I am I automatically want to say 21, there is no significance with that year it's just what feels right??  Phil, Mary Ann, Katherine & Trent came to our hometown last week to take us out for my birthday dinner.  They are always so generous and invited my fam to join in as well.  They might of second guessed that when Brynn projectile vomited halfway through dinner :) I am so excited that one of my gifts was a camera, my last one bit the dust over a year ago. 

The past few weeks we've celebrated a few other things.. My sis turned 29 again on October 23, we got together at my moms for some yummy fried food!!  I will never be able to make up for my sisters real 30th birthday (in 2009) instead of celebrating like you should a big milestone like that, she was sitting in the hospital waiting for her first niece to be born; stillborn.  She and my mom were literally around me 24/7 from the morning of October 23 to the afternoon of October 24 when she arrived.  If this would of been an exciting time then I wouldn't feel near as bad but the circumstances surrounding those days are ones I never want to repeat.  I know she would not of had it any other way and would repeat those days over and over again to be there for me.  I could not bring myself to post on the actual day itself, October 24 that we met and said goodbye to our Weslee.  I worked that day, my coworkers and boss didn't remember the significance of the day which I liked.. that way no one brought it up and I would not cry.  I tend to internalize my emotions.. to my surprise a beautiful flower bouquet showed up with my name and the sweetest words I've ever read near the end of the day.  Of course the girls in the office were freaking out and wanting to know the occasion.  The flowers were from Ben, Weslee's dad and my best friend!! 

October is now behind us and the holidays are fast approaching.  This is my favorite time of year, college football, cool weather, holidays, family gatherings, chili, Christmas decorations, and shopping to name a few!!    

Groundhog Day

Do you ever feel like you're reliving the same day over and over and over again.. I find myself having many days like that lately. My posts are pretty predictable as to what I'll say or what we've been up to. Every time I think to blog I wonder what in the world to say?? I work, Ben works, he goes to school, I clean the house, we both take care of Avery, see family at night many nights, play with our nieces, go to church on Sunday.. Most people have night time activities, kids priorities, parties, go out on the town, etc.. I wouldn't trade my life or what it's become but I do have days when I need/want a change. Ben reminds me often that come December, when he graduates, we can really relax and enjoy life. I know this is true but when the one change comes in the shape of a child, or lack there of it's hard to be content. We've had a hiccup with our fertility clinic and will no longer be doing any treatments or seeing them. I do have a peace about not going back but it doesn't change the fact that our ultimate goal is to have a baby. Sundays at church I feel like every song is directed at me.. trust God, believe in Him, He is sovereign, many blessings, rain drops, faithful. I always feel refreshed and revived but come back home to the same reality. What do I do to pass the time or keep my head up.. pray, talk to God, talk to Ben, cry.. it's such a vulnerable place to be. I truly believe one day we will be blessed beyond our imagination. It's that one day phrase that gets me....

embryo status

After reading over my last post I realized I didn't say what happened to the embryos we were hoping to freeze for future use.  Unfortunately the embryos did not survive so if we do IVF again we'll have to start from scratch.  There is so much that goes into IVF, I feel pretty educated on the matter but there are still some questions and concerns.  If you or someone you know is going through or debating going through IVF I would love to talk to you or them.. I remember feeling so helpless when starting this journey, it's so foreign!!  I would also love to hear any stories related to your journey with IVF and infertility.  I hear from more people about how they had trouble getting pregnant, lost babies, had miscarriages, and now they're proud parents!!  I do not like being labeled with "infertility issues" but I am not alone.  Although I wouldn't wish this heartache on ANYONE it's refreshing to know we're not the only ones struggling.. So I encourage you if you are walking this dark path to please look for the light, it's there!!  Some days it's hard to see but you have to have FAITH and believe in the One that's bigger, smarter, & greater than we could ever imagine!!

Flashback

My last post was July 24, and it wasn't much of a post.. I said I would update you all on everything that has been going on with us. I had good intentions but life has been pretty crazy the past few months.

As far as every day life goes, Ben and I are both still working and loving what we do. I'm so grateful to have a job that I passionately love going to!! Ben continues to amaze me by going to school Tuesday - Friday, working a 12 hour shift Saturday & Sunday, with Monday being his only day off to study and sleep in. We both know this is a means to an end and it will pay off come December when he graduates!! He still gives 110% and is on the honor roll, I am so proud of him!! We did some fun things this summer while taking some time off from trying to get pregnant. We also celebrated some family members birthdays and special holidays together. Speaking of family, we are so fortunate to have such an amazing family (on both sides) that love and support us unconditionally!!

I've been asked by a couple different people why I haven't blogged, some family & some friends.. in all honesty, I've sat down, logged on, started to type then signed back off. When you don't have kids it's hard to find something to blog about every day. Right now Ben and I lead pretty predictable lives.. we usually see family at night, go eat with them, but mostly we come home, Ben studies, & I typically take a bath and get in bed. Crazy right??

I do know a lot of people keep up with our infertility journey on this blog which I've decided to continue. I've debated over the past few months if I should delete this or start back.. I've learned that most people care and want so badly for Ben and I to have children. I've received several notes in the mail from total strangers (some I know, some I don't) encouraging us, sending us prayers, & bible verses. That means more to me then any of you will ever know!! So here's a condensed version that will get you all up to date. After taking a few months off at the beginning of the summer, I started back on birth control the end of June. This would be the start to another IVF cycle. (IVF cycle #2 for us) Mid July I stopped that medicine and soon after started the beloved shots every night. Along with shots I took several other medicines every day. By the end of July I was finally ready for the retrieval of my eggs. I don't remember how specific I was with our last IVF cycle but I'll give you a few details here.. A "normal" woman should produce at least 20 eggs, that does not mean they will be good enough to use.. For whatever reason I do not produce many eggs, I am lucky to have 6. This particular cycle I believe they retrieved 9, which we were thrilled about. We did a day 5 transfer (options are day 3 or 5) because the embryos were growing and thriving, again we were elated. I should also mention with this cycle I was responding so much better to the drugs, my levels were much higher which was a huge praise!! We chose to put in two embryos the day of the transfer which was the first of August. The transfer went smooth as could be, and we had to wait a few days to see if the other three embryos survived. (In this case we would freeze those to use at a later date) At this point you have to wait two weeks from the day of the retrieval for blood work to see if you were successful. This put us doing blood work the second week of August, which was positive!! Praise the lord, the number was also much higher this time then last. You always go back two days later to make sure the number is rising and we were elated to learn it had more than doubled. I ended up doing lab the following week for some reason or another and it was much higher than the doctor anticipated!! That put our minds at ease more than we can say.. the anxiety that comes with trying to get pregnant is intense but when you've been through what we've been through and add IVF that same anxiety intensifies by 100,000!! Besides the emotional aspect, we also have a lot of money put into this venture. The following week I had some discharge that was less than calming. They got me in that day for an ultrasound, which was four days earlier than our original U/S was scheduled for. We learned on this day that one embryo had implanted and there was a heartbeat, a very slow heartbeat but it was there. We were only 5 1/2 weeks at this point so the heartbeat wasn't a worry to the doctor, we were just so blessed there was one there!! We kept our appointment four days later and learned the HR had jumped to 99 which is right where it should be at six weeks!! The following week I went in on Monday & Thursday, both days the heartbeat was around 100 which all involved were a little hesitant about.. at this point they would of liked it to be in the 120's.. The following Monday, Labor Day we had another ultrasound and learned that our embryo did not have a heartbeat. Two days later, one last ultrasound to verify there was no heartbeat and later that morning I had yet another D & C. So, yes we did IVF again, yes we were successful, but we did lose the embryo and I am now recovering from another surgery. Like last D & C I've had some complications.. talk about kicking you when you're down. Through it all Ben and I have held our heads high and leaned on each other for support. We're VERY open and honest and communicate our feelings throughout the whole process, it's all you can do to stay sane. We kept this IVF cycle more hush hush this time around so please don't be upset if you didn't know.. Of course it did leak out to a few people and immediate family & friends did know. Everyone has been more than supportive and loved on us. How did I handle this loss?? To be honest, I'm numb.. I have not cried since finding out there was no heartbeat. I asked Ben if there was something wrong with me.. I do get an occasion knot in my throat but it's usually because I hear something else sad. With me random things set me off, usually it's a song or something someone says. We are not discouraged and plan to try again.. We do not have a plan at this point, we're letting my body heal once again. That's where we're at in our journey with infertility.  Please pray for patience, answers, and for open minds and hearts as to what our next step should and will be...

This is my favorite time of year, other than Christmas itself!! I love the cool weather, football on Saturdays, getting dark earlier, decorating the house, fall scented candles, getting together with family, grilling out, taking walks, & a lot of fun holidays!! I love my life - husband, family, friends, & dog.. I am one fortunate woman!! Although the past couple of years have been trying, we've learned something through each loss & our story is being written.. we look forward to each chapter and seeing what God has planned!!

Every day's a good day, some days are just better than others!!

yikes!!

I've had good intentions of blogging for weeks now... unfortunately this post will be filled with no substance. I have to catch up on our beach vacation, 4th of July, Mary Ann's birthday, infertility updates, my 4 year wedding anniversary, and I'm sure I'm missing out more.. I just wanted to say I'm still here and have good intentions of playing catch up, soon!!

Happy Father's Day!!

****I just found this post in my edited section.. I always wondered why it didn't show up

I am two days late on this post but I did want to acknowledge the holiday. On mother's day I did a post about my mom & MIL. So tonight I'm going to say thank you to my dad and FIL for being such wonderful fathers!!

My dad is a true man of God. Easy for me to say that because he's a preacher right?? I can honestly say he walks the walk and talks the talk. I am so proud of my dad, poppy for all that he's been through throughout his time in the ministry. We laugh at the people that say things like, "you only work on Sundays, how bad could it be" etc. All I can say to that is YOU.HAVE.NO.IDEA. My dad has always put my mom and us kids #1!! I remember him getting us up and ready for school while my mom went through nursing school. He drove to Arkadelphia every week for classes.. he continued through school until he received his doctorate!! He started at FBC as a youth minister 26 years ago, he is now the senior pastor. I have never been one to enjoy "big church." I always found a reason to dislike something the preacher did. I know it's my dad and I'm partial but I love to hear him preach. He's so down to earth and relates to each person in the room. What you see is what you get.. I am a lot like my dad which I think is a great thing!! I LOVE the way he adores my mom. He NEVER let us disrespect her, especially my brother. I remember Wes being pinned to the ground many times & dad saying you don't talk to your mother that way :) I have been through a lot throughout the years with family & friends being taken away from us too soon. He has been by my side during each tragedy. The one time he was not able to be by my side was when Weslee came into this world. Unfortunately and sadly, he had to be away to do a funeral for a family that had to bury their own daughter much too soon. We never talked about him not being there, he was where he needed to be. He has a way with words and speaks beautifully at funerals. Honestly, it was probably a blessing he and my brother were not able to be there. It was a tough, tough ordeal!! My first question to my mom after I delivered her was have you called dad to let him know I'm okay and Weslee is in Heaven. I mentioned a few posts ago that I had to be hospitalized after my last D & C. I didn't blog about it at the time because I had enough "poor Sarah" at that time. One week after the surgery I was still actively bleeding.. not enough to worry (Ben was worried but I wasn't worried) It wasn't until one night when I woke up in extreme pain.. we did everything we could to get me comfortable until the morning because I did not want to go to the ER. I went to the doctor first thing and he immediately admitted me to the hospital. He thought I had some type of infection. Apparently every one thought I would end up needing a hysterectomy, WHAT?? I guess that would be my luck.. (twisted humor) Turned out all my labs were normal, thankfully.. I just had an old hematoma that was ridding itself. I was put on strong IV antibiotics, had many scans, & sent home the next day. I mention that story now because every one was working when I got the news so my dad met me at my house and took me to the hospital. I kept telling him he could go.. of course he wasn't going anywhere until I was settled. He had no idea what he was in for (neither did I) Needles do not bother me.. I know I have terrible veins and tell the nurses ahead of time. I also say, don't worry if you miss, I wont complain. (can't stand people who threaten the nurse before she sticks you) This particular nurse proceeded to dig the needle in the same vein three times!!! I kept telling her they were very superficial, she finally listened. That fun situation was followed by Dr. B calling letting me know I had to get a catheter for a CT scan. A CATHETER??? My first question of course was were you going to knock me out??? (answer was no by the way) Remember, my dads the only one with me.. he was sweet (& smart) to turn his head but I sweetly & politely asked him to back up and hold my hand. He's probably not thought about it again but him being there and literally holding my hand during that procedure put me at ease. (For those of you who ever have to get a catheter while wide away & on no meds, it's honestly not bad!!)
I could go on and on about what my dad means to me & our family!!

Dr. Phil, my FIL is also a selfless man who loves me like his own daughter. He is always willing to give advice and listens to me. He has walked with Ben and I through each step of our losses. He always has the right words to say and such sound words of wisdom!! He is so level headed and passed on some wonderful character traits to Ben. I am forever grateful this man is a part of my life!!

Ben and I are SO fortunate to have parents that love and support us!! It's with faith, family & friends that keep us going every day!!