Held

On the way to Atlanta mom, Mrs. Jodi, & Hannah listened to a lot of music!! One of the Cd's they had was Natalie Grant. Mrs. Jodi let me borrow the CD to listen to a specific song... Held

Two months is too little. They let him go. They had no sudden healing. To think that providence would take a child from his mother while she prays is appalling.

Who told us we'd be rescued? What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares? We're asking why this happens to us who have died to live? It's unfair.

This is what it means to be held. How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life. And you survive. This is what it is to be loved. And to know that the promise was when everything fell we'd be held.

This hand is bitterness. We want to taste it, let the hatred know our sorrow. The wise hands opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow.

This is what it means to be held. How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life. And you survive. This is what it is to be loved. And to know that the promise was when everything fell we'd be held.

If hope is born of suffering. If this is only the beginning. When everything fell we'd be held.

This is what it means to be held. How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life. And you survive. This is what it is to be loved. And to know that she promise was when everything fell we'd be held.

Oh how I needed to hear this song, thank you Mrs. Jodi & Hannah!!

I know that I'm extra sensitive right now because Weslee's actual due date is right around the corner. It seems in my every day life I see or hear something that makes me cry. On Thursday when I was pulling into the parking lot @ work I noticed the helicopter landing. Our office is on the third floor, you can see the helicopter pad from the hallway. Being the nosey/observant person I am I went straight to see what was going on. (In the almost three years I've been working in NLR I've never seen the helicopter land @ the hospital) After a few minutes of waiting they pulled an incubator off the chopper. I immediately lost it thinking of a sick baby & the family that has to let them go. After lunch I heard another helicopter coming in.. so what do I do?? Head straight down the hall to see what in the world another one was doing landing in the same day?? It was another incubator.... my heart hurt/hurts so bad thinking about those precious babies & their families!! Today we had a case @ big Baptist... I walked in the main entrance & passed a couple taking their brand new baby home!! I wanted to go up to them and tell them how happy I was for them!! It's amazing what I took for granted before losing Weslee.

Next week Ben has to do his OB clinicals... he will be @ big Baptist where we delivered Weslee. What's so ironic is that instead of being on his clinical rotation @ that time we should be delivering our daughter!! Please pray a special prayer for him as he'll be dealing with a lot of different emotions. He continues to be my rock & we talk about Weslee & our future a lot!!

I feel like I'm constantly sad or a debbie downer in my posts.. please understand that for me journaling is healing, always has been. Thank you to those who continue to pray & send us kind words, it means the world!!

**after proofreading this post I noticed I said, we "should" be delivering Weslee.. that's our plans, not Gods... I have to remind myself that He has a bigger plan for us all, He has a plan & purpose for everything He does!! I'm honored to tell our story and tell anyone who will listen about our daughter being in Heaven!!

Sleep Monster!!

If you're a follower of our blog you know that we have a 120+lb dog that sleeps in our bed... in the past she has always slept between Ben & I towards the end of the bed. For some reason she's decided she wants to cuddle up next to my face, resting her body long ways on our pillows.. (booty in Ben's face) I thought it was cute/funny @ first, now it's an every night event!!

**don't mind the gold fish & sonic drink on my night stand, it's a staple around our house.. (yes, those are thin mints resting on top of my sonic coca-cola classic)

***I'm an avid reader, hence the book pile as well

Innocent Prayers

When Laci, my oldest niece was saying her prayers a few nights ago she prayed the sweetest prayer... she prayed "for Weslee Faith to get better in Heaven." Oh how sweet that prayer is!! We talk about her frequently & the girls are quick to tell people that she's in Heaven!!

Oh how we miss her every day, especially with her due date right around the corner...

the girls

Our favorite place to eat in Benton is Sakura, yummm!! The girls love the fire & eat soo much!!

Saturday after Megan's gymnastics she had a cowgirl birthday party to go too.. she was posing for Auntie!!

The last picture is of Megan's toe... she was in Amber's cabinet where she keeps her serving dishes.. Amber of course told Meg to get out of there but it was too late, a glass cake stand dropped right on her toe!! Bless her heart, it looks terrible!! This picture is the day after the injury, it looks worse now.. she was limping around the mall, wanting to sit in her stroller.. we knew it was hurting if she didn't want to walk!!

the GOLD medal goes to...

MEGAN LYNN BOHANNAN!!

Saturday afternoon Megan had her sweetheart meet @ Leah's. It was when you show the skills you learn & get pointers.. she did great, it was hilarious!! She ended with a gold medal, certificate, & bag of candy!! Great job Meg!!

Atlanta trip!!

Last weekend I asked you to pray for a safe trip to Atlanta for my mom, Hannah (Wes's Valentine) & her mom, Mrs. Jodi. Thankfully their trip was a success despite some bad weather along the way.. I was jealous before they left but seeing these pictures makes me even more!! They had a wonderful time & Wes truly loved having them there!! We're planning a big trip in March to watch Wes play!! He's actually on his way now to play Florida State for the season opener. Good luck & GO PANTHERS!!

Here are some pictures Hannah took.. the first is of the chocolate covered strawberries they made for mom & Mrs. Jodi. I'm guessing Hannah did the majority of the work :) The next picture is of Hannah & her mom, Jodi.. they have such a beautiful family, inside & out!! Next is Atlanta @ night, very pretty. Right after they arrived in Atlanta it came a huge snow, the pictures don't do it justice says Hannah. Followed by a close up of Hannah & Wes, cheesing it up!! There's a store in the mall that sells these huge "sac" bean bag type things... Amber & Brad purchased two when they were there in December. They really are huge & comfy!! The next picture is impressive because it captures Wes @ the mall.. he doesn't go often. That's the nice thing about two sisters & a mom who loves to shop. All you have to do is tell us what you need & we've got an excuse to go shop!! Mom & Mrs. Jodi eating when they arrived in Atlanta.. Some things never change... Wes cuddling on mom!! The last night they were there Wes & Hannah decided to make mom & Mrs. Jodi homemade chocolate covered strawberries in Wes's apt & take them to the hotel. I think they did an excellent job, sure looks like it from mom & Mrs. Jodi!! The last picture is my favorite of W & H... love you guys!!

Valentine's Day

Sarah's definition of Valentine's Day: a reason you're supposed to do something nice for the significant other in your life. To me this Holiday has always been... not my favorite. I know you're thinking, man she must be really unhappy. Negative, I am in love with my best friend!! I just think you should do something nice, extra special for your loved one on random days, not just because you're supposed to. My husband is happy I feel this way - haha We say happy Valentine's Day to each other & that's it.. no cards, no flowers, no candy, just a "good game slap on the butt." I am enjoying reading all your blogs about how sweet & sappy some couples get. To each their own, it's just not us.

I know there are people reading this that are either single wanting a wife/husband or married longing for a child.. you are not alone!! I've said many times that Ben & I let go and let God when it comes to our future. I must admit, it's way harder than just saying that... actually believing & trusting that is the hard part!! Please continue to pray for Ben & I as we encounter each day and the emotions it brings...

God's plan is perfect
God's plan is perfect
God's plan is perfect

I am learning to be patient and trust in the above, even when I don't agree...

The Farm

Yesterday me, my dad, sister, & the girls went out to the farm. We ate lunch, played with the animals, & rode the 4-wheeler. I wasn't planning on riding the 4-wheeler, therefore I didn't dress for the weather!! Needless to say Meg & Laci insisted we get one out so of course we did. We were covered with freezing mud & water... the things I do for those girls!! I can't wait for warmer weather where we can spend long days there, playing in the river, riding 4-wheelers, eating, & playing with all of the animals!!

Love you mammaw & pappaw Grant!!

Atlanta bound!!

My mom, Mrs. Jodi, & Hannah are on their way to visit Wes in Atlanta!! This is a special trip so that Wes & Hannah can be together for Valentine's day, awww!! Mrs. Jodi volunteered to drive her & was kind enough to ask mom to go too. I'm sure they'll end up @ the mall and the sweets shops!! If you're reading this please take time to pray for a safe trip.. they left around 7:00 tonight to try & beat any bad weather they're anticipating. Hannah promised me she would take a lot of pictures so I'll be sure to put them on here as soon as I get them!!

We've planned a trip in March to watch him play in Clarksville, TN. We cannot wait!!

Until next time....

Free time

Being snowed in gives you a lot of free time... I started off the day by backpacking my way to my sisters house (no 4WD @ the Mizell house & I could use the exercise,) watching a movie, playing outside with Avery, (re)organizing Ben's office, doing laundry, checking my "sites" (facebook, blogs, etc.) & now about to head off to bed.. I find myself searching through blogs when I have free time.. I'm pretty sure I fit under the category, "blog stalker." That sounds so bad but I admit, I thoroughly enjoy reading about other families. Tonight I stumbled across a family that has lost three children from three different diseases... their story hit so very close to home with one of her babies having anencephaly. A friend said to her...

"picture the Lord asking me if I was willing to accept a new trial for his glory. Was I willing to hurt in order to draw eyes and hearts toward Jesus? Was I willing to do God's work and suffer because he needed me to? When I looked at it that way, it gave me great strength. Rather than feeling like a weak and hurting mommy, I began to feel like an honored soldier; somebody willing to suffer for the better good."

My feelings exactly!!

I wouldn't wish losing a child, whether it be @ 20 weeks gestation or 60 years of age on my worst enemy... the initial and lifelong pain is indescribable.. but for that I am a stronger woman!!

March 9 is right around the corner, oh how I long to be anxiously awaiting the arrival of our baby girl, Weslee. It hurts very much, especially on days like today. (BUT) I am so humbled by other stories & families who have gone through such loss. We will see our babies/loved ones again one day...

Amen.

Snow Day!!

I woke up this morning to a text from my mom @ 5:57am that said, "lots of snow." I didn't think much of it... Alicia, whom I work with called around 7:00am & asked if I was going to be coming in... with that I finally got up & looked outside to see a winter wonderland!! I'm one to watch the news but I must've missed the memo about the snow we were to get... needless to say, it was beautiful & we enjoyed the day off!!

These are a few pictures from our back porch..

Megan aka my mini me

I can't post about Laci & not Megan... here she is w/ her Siba, mommy, & myself!!

Some say Megan looks like me, I think it's the puffy cheeks?? Others say she looks just like Amber.. as for who she acts lie, that's easy - ME!! A lot of people refer to it as the "middle child syndrome" which drives Amber nuts!! She definately has her own personality & tells it how it is... love her!!

BHS dancer Laci!!

Laci went to the BHS dance clinic on Tuesday afternoon.. that night they got to perform what they learned @ the Benton High School basketball game halftime. Laci did so great, she's a natural @ shaking it!! She comes by it honestly :) She is also a great babysitter!! This sweet baby is so happy & let us pass her around.. (I'm not using her name without her mommy's permission) Laci tells me to have a baby & for it to be a girl & for her mom to have a baby boy. I wont lie, Amber & I totally agree with her wishes!! We shall see what Gods plan holds for us...