Sunday, November 29, 2009

Weslee's wall!!

You will have to read the post before this to understand this picture... this is the full view of Weslee's wall as of now... we still have a few more things to add xoxoxoxoxoxo

Weslee's tree & memories!!

We are proud to show off Weslee's CHRISTmas tree!! Our plan was to get a tree this year and add to it each year.... I'm thinking instead we'll have to get a bigger tree each year, she's spoiled!! very girly
our Faith is what keeps us going!!
Our mam maw Grant found this perfect pink & purple dancer, the colors of her tree!!
Joy - what Weslee Faith brought to all of our lives!! (Thank you Kelea)
2009 - the year our daughter was born!!
Angel wings @ the top of her tree.....
This picture will make more sense in a few pictures.... not only do we have Weslee's tree, we have Weslee's wall... it's in the hallway leading to what would of been her bedroom. All that to say, this is the night light that shines 24/7!!
Our favorite picture of Weslee still in mommy's belly, 20 weeks!! The tiny bear was given to us @ the hospital, the bracelet hanging off the frame is what a nurse made me while we were waiting on her physical body to arrive.
Her room was decorated in Noah's Ark, my sister found this snow globe that sits beneath her Christmas tree.
Right now I'm not @ a place where I can say how much my sister means to me... (that will be another post) Not only has she been my #1 fan throughout this pregnancy, but she's dedicated so much time, money, & love to make Weslee's memory special to us. She is Weslee's Auntie Am, and always will be!!
One of Weslee's 20 week ultrasound pictures
We have been blessed by so many people thinking, praying, & loving us!! This is Weslee's blessing ring with all the notes and letters people have sent to us..... words of encouragement, prayers, & people opening up sharing their stories of love and loss.
Blessing ring
This is the wall my sister decorated ~ in the frame is a poem that someone e-mailed to me (my sis made the frame) I will post what the poem says later, today has been an emotional day for whatever reason and I don't have the strength to type it out... The footprints in the frame are Weslee's actual footprints, tiny I know but we will cherish what we have of her FOREVER!! The dress hanging down is one they let us take home from the hospital. My sis had it monogrammed with her name on it, beautiful!! The beanie baby was also given to us @ the hospital, it's about the same size as our daughter, Weslee. The band on the bear is one I wore during my hospital stay, another reminder of that bitter sweet day...
My sister also made this box for us to put some of Weslee's special items we received @ the hospital. Blankets, socks, hats, etc.
The "W" that hangs on the wall
Olivia, a special friend painted this picture for us
The monogrammed dress, so special!!
I will leave you with this picture.... it's extra special because it's the one my sister dressed her in when she was born. The hat is also the very one she wore, how neat!! There is another poem inside the frame that was given to us @ the hospital. Trina, another special friend gave us a necklace along with another poem... again, I will post them later.
You may be wondering where they found clothes to fit a 6.4oz baby..... my nurse told us about a family that was in a similar situation and the hospital had no clothes to fit their child. They didn't want another family to have to go through the humiliation of "nothing fitting" their baby.... a special team of people make blankets, hats, dresses, etc. and give them to the hospital for families like ours..... My sister knows more details to the story and actually got to go through the closet of goods and pick our Weslee's outfit(s). They sent us home with so many keep sakes... they will never fully know how much their ministry means to us!!
To some I understand it may be crazy that we held, clothed, and loved on our daughter... She was stillborn so it was only her physical body but for us it was closure.....

So much to be thankful for

It's been a while since our last post, honestly it's been a while since I've checked any ones blog... We've been busy celebrating Thanksgiving with both sides of our families!! We were reminded of how privileged we are to be surrounded by people who love and support us unconditionally!! We were also reminded of what will never be...... until we get to Heaven of course!! I (Sarah) have mostly good days but there are the days my mind/heart gets the best of me. We joke that 2009 has not been our year... it started with Ben and I wondering if we could get pregnant, Ben losing his job, finding out we'd never be able to know our daughter on this earth... I will stop right there, sadly I could keep going but I'll save that for a different post.. I say all of that with a broken heart but I can also say that Ben has started a new career path that he loves, we were able to get pregnant, (praise God) & we got to hold our beautiful daughter Weslee Faith........ We do not ask God why this has happened; although, some days I am selfish and want to know "why us?" Through all the different circumstances, we have seen Gods hand. Like I said in an earlier post, some days we have to look for the positives but they're there. Our faith has been tested like never before, people say to me daily that they don't understand how I'm doing "so well..." All I can say to that is that it's a God thing. There are people praying for us all over this world and we feel the peace!!

I do not want you to feel sorry for us, it's therapeutic for me to write out what's on my mind... I find myself talking about Weslee in every post, and probably will forever. She will always be our first born, her birthday will always be celebrated on Oct 24, she will be in our hearts FOREVER!!

2009 may not have been our year but as bad as it hurt/hurts I wouldn't change a thing....... we experienced love in a way we didn't know was possible towards our daughter, each other, family, & friends!! God has a special plan for us all, we are eager to see what he has in store for us!!

Saturday, November 14, 2009

God is good, all the time!!


A few Sundays ago our church had some cards on the stage with the names of all the students going on the the youths fall retreat the following weekend. The point of these cards is for people to pick up one or two and promise to pray for that student.......

My sister and I went to watch the Benton Jr. High cheerleaders and drill team perform @ one of their home basketball games. We were talking with our friend Luke and he had some buddies with him. I heard them behind me talking about fall retreat.. I only knew one of the other guys but if you know me you know I've never met a stranger so I decided to ask if they all went... 3/4 boys went, I then proceeded to ask if they had a good time... One responded, "yea" the other said, "I GOT SAVED!!" Not only did he say it but he said it proudly!! I asked what his name was and introduced myself and told him how excited I was for him!! A few minutes later I told my sister (who was sitting below us) about our new brother in Christ.. I told her what his name was and introduced them... a few seconds later her face lit up because this particular guy was the card she picked up and had been praying for!! (He moved here earlier this year and we did not know him) How amazing is it to see first hand a prayer request be answered!!

Monday, November 9, 2009

Picture Perfect

I've had a hard time loading these pictures... to do so, we had to cut them apart and scan them.. I had a fear that something might happen to them!! Ben and I will cherish these sweet, innocent photos forever!! These are the pictures of her @ 20 weeks.. on this day we found out she was a girl and were surprised and elated!! We also found out she was anencephalic and we would never be able to bring her home...
The Perinatal Specialist we were sent to (we don't feel comfortable using his name without his permission) labeled all the pictures for us, he was such a patient and understanding doctor!! This picture it looks like she's sucking her thumb, taking after her mommy!!
SURPRISE, I'm a girl... Weslee Faith Mizell to be exact!!

Precious foot!!
This is my all time favorite ultrasound picture...... I smile every time I see it!!!
Ben and I have pictures from after Weslee was born... they're the sweetest, most beautiful pictures we've ever seen!! (of course we're partial) We are also very protective and are going to be very selective on what we put on here... It's amazing what a 20 week old baby looks like, what our daughter looked like!! Though she only weighed 6.4 oz and was 8 inches long she stole our hearts and was perfect!! We talk daily about who's holding her in Heaven... his mama Jean, my granny Cole, his uncle Charles... I could go on and on!!
I have my first doctors appointment tomorrow since delivering Weslee.. I pray that everything is going as planned and guidance for the future. We've been blessed with wonderful, Christian doctors who have held our hands every step of the way...
We find something good out of this situation daily... I will admit, some days we have to search...
I must close with something about Ben..... I noticed in the hospital he went and washed his hands before he held Weslee, every time!! Although it was only her physical body with us he treated her like a Princess!! Ben and I are closer than we've ever been.. he's been right beside me every step of the way, holding my hand, letting me vent, encouraging me, and loving me unconditionally!!
I can't say it enough, WE ARE SO BLESSED!!

Happy 25th Birthday to Sarah!!


My birthday was actually on November 7, I'm a little late with the pictures... Ben's family and my family got together and ate @ Cock of the Walk, one of my favorites!!! Mary Ann (my MIL) with Laci and Megan
me and my girls!!
My best friend, sister, & Weslee's Auntie Am!!

Laci and her BFF, Mary Ann

My mom and Ben

Trent & Katherine Crow - my awesome SIL & BIL

a mini version of me.....

My biggest fans!!

Weslee's parents!!
All of these people mean so much to me, I am truly blessed with an amazing family and support system!! I can honestly say, these people are my best friends!!
**for some reason we did not get a picture of my FIL, Dr. Phil (as the girls call him) He too is an amazing man!! My dad also had some prior duties @ the church on this night... don't worry, he had a ton of leftovers!!

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Holiday Season

Since it's November 1, I decided it was time to get down the CHRISTmas decor!! Oh how I love the Holiday season, it's always been my favorite time of year!! Ben just shakes his head @ me, but I'm sure he's secretly excited too!! Obviously this year will be tougher than most... although Weslee would not of been here yet she sure would of had a lot of gifts!! Ben and I talk about her and look @ her pictures often... We know first hand now why people think their child is the smartest, cutest, etc. We're pretty partial to our daughter, even just getting to hold her physical body. We're so thankful for that special time we had with her and our family, memories we'll cherish forever!!

I went to church this morning, a little unsure of how well I could compose myself... it was a remarkable service and God truly blessed me!! It amazes me how instead of being bitter, jealous, angry, I am thankful, blessed, & so truly grateful for all that I have!! When I cry they're tears of joy, Ben and I can't wait to see our daughter again in Heaven!!!!!

This weekend we purchased a special tree that is going to be Weslee's tree!! It's a small white tree with pink and purple ribbon and pink balls!! I was certain we were having a boy so I'm going all out with pink!! It's already decorated and setting on a table when you walk in the front door!! Our plan is to add ornaments to it yearly... she'll always be our first born!!

Thank you for your continued prayers, support, comments, etc.. Ben and I feel how much we are loved!!