my best friend, my husband

For some reason tonight I just can't quit thinking about how lucky I am to have Ben as my partner in life. Don't get me wrong, I feel incredibly blessed everyday that I get to wake up next to him!! As many of you know, he had a career change earlier last year.. now I'm so proud to say he's about to graduate the first hurdle on his nursing adventure!! Ben not only goes to school 4 days a week, he works two of his weekend days to help us as a family make ends meet. That leaves him with one day off to sleep in, study, relax, catch up on shows, etc. I can honestly say that he does not complain!! Of course there's the occasional, "man I wish I didn't have to go to work" but that's it and he goes.. While juggling school and work he always makes time for me!! He is ALWAYS willing to cook dinner, help me clean (I'm pretty OCD & like things done the right way, I mean my way) I am one that has always kept my emotions to myself or wrote about them for no one to read.. I've been through a lot through the years that has made me have to lean on others. Although Ben does not like it when I cry he will always offer to listen or give me advice. This past year could have torn us apart, but we're closer than ever. For that Weslee, I am forever grateful baby girl!! Another issue I tend to get emotional about is fertility/infertility and all that goes with it. We learned first hand that we are not in control and it is not our plans, but Gods plan. I can say that I can let go and let God but that's so much easier said than done.. Please pray for me (& Ben) as we go forward every day and try to live according to His Will. We know that God has a special plan for us.. As I type this Ben is cooking us burgers on the grill & baked beans in the kitchen.. after working a 12 hours shift. I'm not saying that for you to praise him or say how lucky I am, I'm saying that because I'm so proud of the man he is!!

fun times

Our family enjoys this time of year more than most.. we are outside 24/7, especially when the sun is out!!

I promise they were playing & laughing.. sisterly love



see, it started off innocent..



showing me her mad/sad face



Meg's ready position



front flip!!

my girls

I always have my camera in my purse to try to capture pictures of family & friends.. here are some I've taken over the past few weeks.. I love these two girls!!

ready position



photo op




can't believe how big she's getting, so pretty!!




front flip



toe touch



handstand




goofy faces





blue eyed girl



beautiful!!

HESI = check!!

Ben is almost finished with his first of many goals, LPN school!! Before you can graduate and take the NCLEX you have to take a test; HESI is what Baptist gives.. (the one I took was called ATI) You get three attempts to pass or else you're out. Guess who passed it on the first time?? Benny!!! I don't say enough how proud of him I am. He is super smart and tries so hard all the time!! He graduates June 10, I can't believe it's almost time!! He will have six months to work, make money, & gain experience before he starts the RN fast track program in January.. that'll be goal 2 on our journey.. I'll keep you updated on our master plan(s) as we go... I believe we're now on a 4-5 year path to reach his ultimate goal!!

Great job Ben!!

My First Mother's Day

This is one of those holiday's that I've dreaded since Weslee went to Heaven. I must admit that the anticipation of the actual day(s) is always the worst. Saturday I was so proud to receive two mother's day cards in the mail!! Thank you to mammaw Grant & mom for making my first mother's day special!! Saturday morning I went with my mom & sister to a brunch the ladies had at our church. While waiting for everything to begin I checked my e-mail on my phone. I was not prepared for the e-mail I receieved from my mother-in-law, Mary Ann. Her words felt like she was wrapping her arms around me, she'll never know how much her words meant to me. When I woke up this morning and started my normal routine, I was surprised to see a rose and card sitting on the kitchen counter. Ben must've put it out after I went to bed.. the following is what it said: (for some reason I can't get it to rotate)





Amber had to leave church today because she wasn't feeling well.. this pregnancy has been hard on her, a lot of nausea and fatigue. Everyone is saying that since she had none of these symptoms with Laci & Megan that it's a boy. How fun would that be?? When I took the girls home after we ate lunch Amber had a card waiting on me.. it means so much to me that with her busy schedule, two crazy girls, being sick 24/7 she still took the time to make my day special.

Although this day brings sadness to a lot of people I am reminded of how truly blessed I am... I am very fortunate to have the support system that I do.

Happy Mother's day to my mom and MIL - Ben & I hope you know how much you mean to us!! Your love and support for us is unconditional, it means the world!!

words

I've realized that every day comes with a new emotion for me.. I feel that I've been blessed with such a sweet peace about Weslee not being here. I must admit that I wish she was here with us more than anything!! I want to hold her, see who she looks like, all her firsts!! My grandmother asked my mom the other day if she thought Weslee wanted to be with us? To that I answer, of course not, she's in Heaven!!!!

Today while I was waiting for one of our cases to start I was sitting in the lounge like I do everyday.. A nurse, who I do know well walked in and started talking (loud) to the other nurses/scrub techs in the room. She found out she was pregnant a few weeks ago with her third child. I had heard the news earlier and was thrilled for her. I hadn't had a chance to talk to her about it yet... she continued to answer a lot of questions the girls had. She kept saying things like, "it was a total surprise, we weren't trying, I didn't want another one..." I know I'm more sensitive than most when it comes to getting pregnant, kids, etc. but, I wanted to yell out, BE SOO THANKFUL this has happened, what a miracle!! I can say that from a broken heart.. Until you've dealt with longing to be pregnant, the loss of a child, miscarriage, etc. you can't fully understand.. Please if you are pregnant or have children be careful what you say to friends & even more importantly strangers. While you're complaining of gaining weight, a growing belly, know that somewhere there's somebody longing for those things..(If she knew it upset me today she would be heartbroken, that was not her intention) My intentions are not for sympathy they're just words of wisdom if you will.. Ben and I know God has a special plan for us and our future!!

Until then... I have some very exciting news!! My best friend and sister, Amber is 11 weeks pregnant!!!! Some of you may not know or remember but at the end of last year she suffered a miscarriage which was devestating to us all. My mom jokingly said a few months ago that we just need a baby in the family!! The first thing people say to Amber when they hear she's pregnant is, "how's Sarah or is she mad?" Although I appreciate you thinking about me please know that this is a special time for her!! I told her to tell people that "Sarah is my #1 fan and couldn't be more excited about spoiling another niece or nephew!!" Amber, please enjoy this pregnancy, embrace it and don't worry about what anyone thinks!! Have I mentioned how proud I am to be Auntie again in Novemebr!!!