Memorial Service

I always enjoy getting mail addressed to me that I'm not expecting.. a few days ago I received something addressed to me from Baptist Health. The following is what I read...

SHARE MEMORIAL SERVICE

Dear Parents,

You are invited to join us Sunday, October 24, 2010, at 3:00 pm for a memorial service held in remembrance of those babies who have died due to miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, stillborn, or a neonatal death.

Nothing could of prepared me for this particular piece of mail.. Not only did it bring raw emotions to the surface but the day of the memorial will be exactly one year to the day I delivered Weslee.. what are the odds??

On this day it will be a time to remember, to name, and to honor the children with prayers, music, and fellowship. There will be a balloon release and refreshments.. They welcome friends and family.



I realize I will have reminders of our first born for the rest of my life.. Yes I am still saddened, hurt, some days angry and selfish that Weslee is not here with us. At the same time I am grateful to God that he allowed us to get pregnant, that we were blessed with a baby girl, and that she's in a better place. I believe throughout every situation in life God is trying to teach us something.. I've said many times that there are many days I have to search for the positives or what God is trying to show me but they're there.. it may not be what I have in mind but it's God's will and I trust in that.

Ben and I will forever be Weslee's parents and tell her story.. we're embracing each day we have and looking forward to the future. We still have many blank pages in our future to fill up!!

It means the world to me that there are SHARE counselors that put together memorial services for parents like us. I think of my daughter every day and her memory will always be fresh.. it seems the world keeps going all around us and her memory slips away from others.. of course this is natural and normal, how many times have I walked passed someone or talked about myself instead of thinking of others.. I obviously have a new appreciation for pregnancy and infant loss. It's with FAITH, counselors, friends & family that help make each brighter.

Avery

I figured it was time to put up a few new pictures of our #1 girl, Avery.. and walk down memory lane a bit.. I can't explain how instrumental she's been over these past few years.. she always put a smile on our faces, no matter what we're going through. Such unconditional love she has to offer!!


THEN...


NOW



She's almost caught up to my weight, which is a scary thing!! I love getting neighbors reactions when we go on our nightly walks.. to Ben and I she's a lap dog but the comments from outsiders makes us laugh. We passed a little girl in a stroller the other night who asked her mom if she was a cow, too funny!!

my thought for the day

"God works miracles and He has a plan that supersedes our senses." Priscilla Shirer

Surprise!!

Wes has been back in Atlanta for a good couple weeks now.. we had talked about going to visit him over the long Labor Day weekend. With work, school, and money costs we decided it wasn't a good time. Mom got the idea to see how much a plane ticket would be for Wes to come home Friday and fly back Monday.. we also had to check his baseball schedule. We thought it would be so fun to fly him in to surprise Hannah!! Since he had baseball practice Friday dad got him a later flight.. I told Hannah earlier in the week to take off work Saturday because I had a "special" day planned for us.. that's honestly the only thing I told her and she was a good sport. (unlike myself, I hate surprises and would've thrown a fit) Friday night was the big Benton/Bryant salt bowl which meant the Quinn family would be at the game til late... Wes's plane got in around 11:30 that night so we had Hannah come over to Amber's to hang out and celebrate Brad's birthday.. or so we said.. about 10 minutes after she got to Amber's mom called & said they were pulling up. I said that the neighbor had something they wanted to show us outside so Amber, Hannah, and myself walked into the garage.... which stood Wes!! It was so sweet, Hanny screamed & cried!! Ben and Brad didn't understand why we were getting so involved but it was precious!! That's what sister's are for right :)

We're so glad we pulled it off..



We love you uncle Wes!!

cookout!!

A few weekends ago the Quinn's invited us over for dinner.. we had heard that Coach Quinn was a grill master so we were eager to try his steaks!! Let me just say, they did not let us down!! The food and fellowship was amazing!!

Hannah and Mrs. Jodi


yummy steaks!!



Wes had gone back to Atlanta earlier in the week so we were skyping him throughout the evening..



Mom - Amber - Hannah - Jodi



Amber (baby Brynn) - Hannah - me



Thank you guys, we had a wonderful time!!

timing

Have you ever been down in the dumps about one thing or another??

I've mentioned vaguely that Ben and I are suffering with infertility. We're still not at a place where we feel comfortable opening up about all the details... and believe me, there are a ton!! Since meeting with the fertility specialist there has been a plan after leaving each appointment. Being OCD, a nurse, and perfectionist in many aspects of my life plans make me smile; like lists!! Since my surgery the plan has stalled and it is a waiting game.. I know I'm hyper sensitive when friends, family, total strangers announce they're pregnant. It's like my ears are perked up for that word?? I've always had and still have a genuine happiness for these people. Of course deep down I am bitter.. not at the person that's pregnant just at our situation. I've said over and over and over................ I KNOW that God has a plan for every one's life!! If I didn't truly believe that I couldn't get through each day. Just because I believe and I know His word is true doesn't mean I don't struggle. I'm learning patience now more than ever and my faith is growing stronger each and every day. Today was one of those days I was blog stalking and came across a friend of a friend who's pregnant. This particular family has also gone through the loss of a child and I couldn't be more happy for them!! I quickly got off the computer as my eyes filled with tears. I can't explain the feeling that came over me. I feel that I've done so well over the past few months.. waiting and listening for what God has to say and what He's going to do. For some reason today all of my emotions spilled out. I find that I break down in the most random times and places because of the most random things.. my tears today were of pure bliss for this family.. yet they turned into, why God - why!!!! I should add that today my doctor left the office early, the office mgr was sick and the secretary left at noon. I had from about 12-4 to myself. What's neat is that right after I turned the computer off Ben walks in.. I'm sure when he walked in my office he wanted to back right out. He hates when I cry and doesn't know what to say, which is true of many men. He told me that he was supposed to worry and I was the strong one. Whether that statement is true or not, it did make me laugh. We're such opposites yet are so perfect for each other!! Ben had to go back to work and after I did some busy work I decided to look @ Facebook. I saw that I had a message and proceeded to read it.. This person, whom I do not know had heard about our story from a nurse @ the surgery center we work at. She proceeded to tell me that she saw the same fertility specialist I did and that I WAS NOT ALONE. How in the world did that message come today, just when I needed it!! It sounds so silly that words from a stranger was just what I needed to hear. Of course I know that we're not alone, yet so many days it feels like it. People still ask me, almost on a daily basis if we're going to have another baby. They mean well but I want to scream WE'RE TRYING!! Never would I have imagined going down this road; it sure is bumpy!! My lifelong goal has always been to be a mommy. That goal was reached when I became pregnant with our daughter Weslee in June 2009. Although she did not live on this earth I am still her mom and am proud to tell her story.

The point of this blog post?? great question...

My intentions were to simply tell how a total stranger made a huge impact on my life today. Somehow I ended up writing a novel.

Please continue to pray for Ben and I as we take each day at a time.

As my dad would say, "Everyday's a good day, some day's are just better than others"