Sunday, October 24, 2010

one year ago today...

It's amazing how quickly time goes by.. one year ago today the following pictures and memories were made. Ben and I were surrounded by immediate family as our daughter, Weslee Faith Mizell was stillborn @ 20 weeks (5 months.)

We were amazed at how she looked @ just 20 weeks in my belly.. we could tell she already had facial features like her dad and long legs like her mom.


I loved watching Ben hold, caress, &; just stare at Weslee..


I cried, laughed, kissed, and talked as I held her for the first time.. to some I know this may seem crazy (because her sweet spirit was already in Heaven) but for us it was closure..

Once our families had gone home we had a few hours alone with Weslee and each other.. I must admit I spent some of that time crying to God asking why I had to go through such a painful (phsycially & emotionally) time.. not only did we not get to know our daughter on this earth, I had to endure childbirth and all that goes with it.. that was me being selfish!! Ben and I also spent time thanking God for allowing us to have the time we did with her.. it's a weird place to be, never did we imagine we'd be put in the situation we were. It makes it 10x harder when you know you've done everything by the textbook, what went wrong, what did I do?? The medical field has no reason why some babies are anencephalic?? So you can imagine the questions Ben and I had and continue to have..


I've been very open about our struggle with infertility.. When we got the okay from my doctor to start "trying" again we did. We were ready!! I thought to myself, surely after what we went through I will get pregnant easy and have another baby in 9 months to help with this void in my heart and soul... boy was I wrong!! We used a wonderful fertility doctor in Little Rock (I'd be happy to give you his info if you're interested) who held our hands through each poke and procedure. Without getting into all the details of the tests, we were basically told that my L fallopian tube was blocked and my ovaries were very small for my age. Dr. B said that years ago, a woman my age & with the issues above they would go straight to IVF (in vitro fertilization.) Before we started that I had a surgery to see if they could unblock the L tube, if not they were to remove it. I've had a long history of endometriosis and come to find out that's what was blocking my tube. During that surgery a retractor slipped & my cervix was torn. We were not to "try" to have a baby for two weeks and I had to be careful in my every day activities. A side note, I had surgery on a Wednesday and my papaw Grant went into hospice the following week and went to be with Jesus on Friday.. talk about a heavy load!! The plan after surgery was to wait on mother nature and then start with fertility drugs.. after waiting weeks I was concerned something wasn't right.. My concern turned to terror as I took and had a positive pregnancy test!! Yes, you read that right, a positive pregnancy test. Some time after surgery & the two week waiting period Ben and I convieved the baby in my belly now!! I am currently 12 weeks pregnant :) I have been super hesitent to say anything to anyone.. Immediate family knew right away beecause I needed their support and prayers. I did not want to tell the world until I saw a whole, healthy baby. We're being treated like celebrities @ my new OB doctor, getting ultrasounds every three weeks & even more if I need some reassurance!! I was fine not telling anyone until I couldn't hide it anymore.. but we were assured at my latest appointment that the baby was perfect right now and we saw a whole body and perfect head!!! All we can say about this is that it's a God thing.. we were told by the fertility specialist that drugs were our only way to conceive remember?? So please, all of you that are struggling with infertility please don't give up!!!! I am proof that you can defy the odds and God does work miracles!! Our little miracle is due around May 12!!

Today has been a bitter sweet day, Heaven is rejoicing the birthay of our Weslee!! I picture her being rocked and sung to by papaw Grant, then I see her running through fields of flowers, skipping and running around!! One day we will be with her and we will have no questions, no worries, pure bliss!!

16 comments:

Shelli Robertson said...

I can only imagine the emotions that you have gone through, and I am so excited that through all of this God has shown Himself glorious (as He always does) I will continue to pray for you and your little, sweet baby on the way! God is so good! Have a great week!

Lindsey Kindy said...

Yay!! I have been thinking about you so much! I also have had a feeling you were pregnant! I am so incredibly happy for you!! You guys will continue to be in our prayers!! I can't wait to watch your journey through motherhood!!

(The reason I thought you may be preggers is because I asked Amber about how you were doing and she gave me a funny "she's fine" answer!! Lol!!)

Leah said...

Sarah!! Congratulations to you both, that is so so so exciting!! I am so very happy and excited for you guys and can't wait to watch you "grow" and become a mamma (via blog since we're in Houston :) ). And how awesome is it you get to have an ultrasound every 3 weeks!! It's so amazing to be able to see your sweet little baby growing and healthy I'm sure and such a treat to see him/her so often!!! Congrats again and you will continue to be in my prayers!! Would love to see you sometime when we're home!

Emily A. Bailey said...

Congrats Sarah!! I am also one that defied the odds because I too was told that I wouldn't be able to concieve a baby without the help of fertility meds due to PCOS. I am soooo happy for you. When Weslee went to be with the Lord I remembering being very upset and scared because you were due only a few days before me. I had Emma on March 5th, 2010 and thought of you that day. You are going to be a very very good mother!

Julee Turner said...

What a amazingly huge answered prayer!!! So very happy for you!!

Tadd and Elizabeth said...

I am so excited for you both! I had chills when I found out and almost cried at the good news. Infertility along with grief can be such a long roller coaster. I have been praying for you, Ben and your family this week. I know that all the firsts of grief can be very tough and continue to pray for your peace and healing. I will also be praying for a happy, healthy pregnancy and baby! So excited for you and God's goodness!
Elizabeth

Your favorite Aunt LuLu said...

You have just given me so much hope as I walk through a dark path. At 25 and single, I may not be able to have children. And you have helped reaffirm my faith that God does work in JOYOUS ways.

Congratulations on your WONDERFUL news! I can't wait to hear more stories of your Miraculous journey.

Two Girls and a Guy! said...

O my gooodness HOW WONDERFUL!! I am so happy for you and Ben!!! God knows when its time for good news! Love you lots!

Katie said...

First time comment!-Sarah I am so glad to hear that you are pregnant again and that the baby is doing well! Will continue to pray for you and little one!

Katie (Watson) Walden from Benton.

Jennifer said...

I am thrilled for you and Ben! What an awesome testimony to God's faithfulness! Praying for you and that sweet baby.

the osbornes said...

this gives me chills!! Congratulations to you guys!

Shanna said...

Congrats! Is your fertility doc Dr. Batres?

Lilly, Reid, Matt, and Sara said...

Praise God!! That is awesome news!! Congratulations--we are SO EXCITED for you guys!!!! We will keep on praying for you guys and this sweet little baby!

Michelle said...

I just wanted to congratulate you! I know you don't know me, and I haven't commented before, but I have been following your story for many months and have been so impressed with your strength and positive outlook through such daunting challenges. So very happy that God had blessed you with this new and precious life!

Dawn said...

OMG, what wonderful news! Congrats Sarah!

Mizell Family said...

I did use Dr. Batres who was wonderful & I would tell anyone with fertility issues to go see him & his partners!!