Friday, November 5, 2010

trying to stay positive!!

First off, thank you all so much for your kind words!! I know I wrote that last post then kind of left you all hanging.. When I said I was fine with not telling anyone until I couldn't hide it, I was very serious. I think it was my way of feeling in control?? With our last pregnancy I was so open & honest with the world that when things started unraveling I felt like that same world was in the middle of our business. I hope no one takes that the wrong way, we could not of been more loved, prayed for, & taken care of during that time.. I am a very private person, I come by it honestly from my dad. I guess in some way I thought if we kept this to ourselves and something happened, no one would know & maybe it wouldn't hurt as bad?? That statement sounds morbid, like I was/am waiting for something to happen.. I believe that's a normal feeling after losing a child to such a rare disorder. My faith is strong & I believe God has a plan but I am not perfect & I still have days that I question the future. We were told at our last appointment that we were over all the "major" issues.. after Ben heard that he was itching to tell the world (as was my immediate family) Ben reminded me that the more people that knew the more people that could pray for us. I have not downloaded the ultrasound pictures yet, it seems this fatigue & nausea are going to hang around in the second trimester too.. I never really knew what an abnormal ultrasound picture looked like until our 20 week appt with Weslee, but to see the perfectly shaped head and kicking arms & legs is breathtaking!! I feel more @ peace after each and every appointment we have. I think once I start showing more & feel him/her kick it'll get even easier. All in all I've had a pleasant pregnancy thus far. I work full time & am on my feet 95% of the time. A lot of that time I'm in the OR sewing or retracting which takes muscles & maneuvering in random positions. I love love love my job and hope to work until the day I deliver.. I went to the doctor on Thursday and everything looked "perfect" as Dr. M said. I get to go back in a few weeks and he said we may even be able to find out what the sex of the baby is.. Since I'm considered high risk I do have an ultrasound at every appointment which is probably more for my peace of mind than the doctors. I will go see the specialist that delivered Weslee around 20 weeks with a high tech ultrasound machine to check each & every crevice of the baby.

I am one proud mommy!!

If Ben only knew the amount of money we've spent on pregnancy tests :)

I am going to be as open as I feel comfortable being about this pregnancy. Ben and I look forward to each appointment & can't wait to see how much the baby has grown in just a matter of weeks!!


The Wilson's said...

soooo excited for you!!! you are a wonderful mommy!!! so excited for all that is ahead for you and Ben!!!

The Anglin Family said...

I am so very happy for you, I don't really "know you" but we live in the same town. I'm in uams right now being induced to deliver my baby too soon. Someone told me about your blog and i'm glad I stopped by.:) congratulations on your pregnancy.